The answer should be yes. Not "how can I get my loved one help?"

Author Archives: David's Father

Mental Illness and magic

So it seems like the residence where David is has this belief that after 1 year his issues should go away.

If only mental illness worked that way.

You know how it is.. on day 364, mental illness is still raging.  on day 365, it is magically gone.

yeah, that’s the ticket.

Got an email from our staff today.  They don’t know from hour to hour what David’s mood and behavior are going to be.

Where have they been for the last 14 months?  Has David not been in their care?  We told them this when we filled out the placement application.  Every month at our staffing we told them.

When he becomes Manic, we tell them you need to update his meds.  You need to change his meds.  If he is displaying

Rethink Mental Illness

manic behaviors, his meds aren’t working. Every MONTH.

David was born addicted to a lot of drugs.  As a result his body metabolizes them quickly and the medications lost their effectiveness over time.  We told them this when David moved in.  We have told them this every month or two since David moved in.  It still seems like they don’t understand.

Christmas is coming.  It is our sincere hope that David stay in his current placement through Christmas.

Oh, one other thing the email mentioned.  David seems to have some anxiety.

Gee, I wonder why?  He is afraid no one wants him and he doesn’t want to move.  Hello!

I close with this thought.

If the current placement can’t handle him with a full complement of staff, what makes them think it is remotely safe for us to bring him home for a couple of days before we take him to the new facility?  How is that a good idea?

I can’t turn my home into a psychiatric facility for a couple of days.  I can’t bring a bunch of strangers into my home for a couple of days to support David.

Why?

Well outside of the financial aspects of such a proposition, I can’t do that to our other kids.  How would that be fair to them?

When you have a child with severe mental illness, you have to juggle their needs, with the needs of the family.

Are their needs any less important?

No.

Are David’s needs less important?

No.

So we juggle.  It is a fact of life.  Will David ever return home?

I would love it.  It is ok to have dreams.

Isn’t it?

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A letter to my son. David.

David,

As I write this I am faced with the reality that you are being moved further from our home.  From your family.

I wish that things could be different.

David, you have a multifaceted mental illness.  As a result of this, we do not feel that it is safe for you to live at home.  It isn’t that we don’t love you or want you.

We need for you to be safe from harm.  We need for others to be safe from harm.  It has been difficult to make the decisions to place you in residential psychiatric care.  We took you in.  We adopted you into our home and our hearts.

I could never be prouder than I am of you, and all that you have accomplished in your short life.

I wish that I could undo the life you had before you were born.  Undo the hardships that it has caused in your life.  In the end though, those hardships make you who you are.  I can’t take that away from you.  It is as much a part of your personality as my health conditions are a part of mine.

— A little story —

A long time ago there was a young man who was troubled by the life he was leading.  A good friend told him he had two options.  Option one led to a good life, a family and home.  Option two led to a hard life, likely prison time and other difficulties.  The young man chose Option one.  Met his bride and was married, a few children later, they had a family.  And in time, he came to know and love a young man named David.  His family adopted David into their home.

—–

So I give you two options David.

Option One leads to a good life.  Possibly one at home with your family.  Option One leads to an awareness of yourself and your conditions.  It will allow you to live with and manage your mental health in a positive manner.   Option One will be a lot of work and it won’t be easy.  I have faith that you can do it successfully.

Option Two.  Well, I imagine that Option Two can lead to a life of heartache. Option Two could lead to long term isolation in a clinical facility, or worse yet, a prison.  Option two will be a difficult life for you.

—

In the end, no one can make the choice for you.  The decision is yours, my son.  I can find people to help you develop the tools to live successfully with mental illness.  However, I can’t force you to accept the help and lessons that they will impart on you.

I know at twelve this seems like the end of your world.  I may not have experienced the mental illness part of your world, but I have been where you are.  I pray that you make a positive decision.

Regardless of your decision, you will always have a home where ever we live. You will always have a place in our heart.

You will always be our son.

We do this because we love you.   I pray that you understand some day.

Even though you are far away from home, we will still see you. You are still very important to us.

Love,

Dad.

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David is worried

David called.

I could sense the worry in his voice.

The first thing he asked about was what goals he needed to have so that he could stay at his current location rather than being moved to the new facility.  Rather than going elsewhere, he would rather come home.

David is still too volatile to bring home.  We don’t know from minute to minute how he is going to be.  He can be good for a week or two, and then turn violent or aggressive with little notice.  He needs so much attention that they have one person staffing him.  They change this person roughly every three hours.  If that is the case, how could I possibly hope to handle him at home?

So we talked about goals.  I told him that he needs to develop his own goals.  I could offer advice, but ultimately the goals are his.

In the end, he came up with regroups.  A regroup is what he has to do if a situation escalates to the point where he is on the verge of being out of control.  He knows when that point is.  I explained that we hear in staffing how he has to be continually prompted about behaviors.  And to take regroups.  I told him that if he could take a regroup without prompting, and do it consistently, then we could work on other goals.

In the end, I fear that he was left with the impression that he was coming home.  Sadly, that isn’t the case, and it broke my heart explaining to him that he has to work his program before he can come home.

We have his monthly staffing on Monday.

On Thursday evening, i drafted an email to his social worker, and his care coordinator letting them know about our conversation.  I explicitly stated that we were not in favor of moving David.

A portion of the response that I received from the staff…

The main reason we want David to go to the other facility is because they can provide the low stimulus environment and we think that may be a key in treating him.

Note:  I substituted “the other facility” for the name of the facility that is recommended.

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