Tag Archives: Dadchat

Annual Christmas Letter and Appeal

Merry Christmas everyone！Greetings friends and readers.

It is with all the joy in my heart that I wish each of you a joyful holiday.  One filled with acceptance of the differences we see in others.  One where our children know how much love we feel in our hearts for them.

It is tradition in our home to open gifts Christmas Eve at home, and then on Christmas Day with the cousins and Santa.  Tonight, I reflected on Christmas’s past.

I remember a Christmas when we got K one of those play kitchens.  It took me most of the night to put the thing together, but the joy on her face when she saw it was worth every slip of the screwdriver.

To when Teletubbies were the rage and we got C the purple one.  (After all this time, still not sure of the names on them even after 17 years.)

To the joy that T display’s every time we get him a book for Christmas.  The kid loves to read.

During the early years, E spent the holiday with her mom so we often did Christmas in the summer when she came to visit.

David’s joy has always been any electronic gizmo that lights up and makes noise.  The joy that was reflected on his face when he would score a coup and steal the gizmo that one of his siblings received was both maddening and joyful.  Does that make sense?

Even with the differences in our family, the personality conflicts, the constant verbal abuse and terror visited by David upon his siblings, they are still loving toward him.  Asking how he is doing.  Worrying about what his behaviors are doing to him and those who care for him.

I guess that what I am saying is, if we embrace that which makes each of us different, greet each other with more compassion, and use kind words instead of hatred the world would be a better place.  Wouldn’t it?  We can forgive the many harsh things that David has done to our family.  Forgiving isn’t forgetting.

As kids enter dream land, wondering what Santa will bring, I ask each of you to consider one thing.

How can you make a difference in the life of another human being?  You don’t have to give money.  It could be something simple such as paying for the meal that someone is enjoying.  Give a cup of coffee to the person behind you in line.  Share a couple of dollars with a charity.

I have lofty goals of my own for the new year.  As we get closer to that time, I will share them with you.  Above all else, it takes a team to make a difference.  In the lives of children with mental illness, less focus is given than we ought to give.  The state of mental health services for children is a travesty in many parts of our world.  How can I affect change?  How can you affect change?

As I close this letter, know that in our world, there exists unmeasurable amounts of compassion.  We just need to ensure that everyone has the opportunity to experience that compassion.  To the staff that have worked with David and our family in the past, those who are working with him now, and those we have yet to meet, may you have a blessed Christmas.  No that we appreciate everything that you are trying to do for our family, and most especially David.

My appeal.  Yes, I have an appeal.  Show compassion for your fellow man.  Whether or not people celebrate Christmas, it is still Christmas everywhere.

I leave you with this video.  I didn’t create it, I don’t know the creator, but am struck by the message that is delivered.  Are there homeless people who take advantage?  Yes, I am sure that there are.   But, what if….

Merry Christmas

Carl Young

Off Close Watch

David is off close watch.

DSCF2182_v1They moved him off the lower level of the residence, and to the main floor.  This allows them to keep a closer eye on him.

I miss the little guy.

I advised staff that we need to ensure that we are looking at his meds.  While not a cure, they do help him.  But they can only help if they are appropriately used, up to and including changing his prescriptions.  Other than minor adjustments, David hasn’t undergone a full scale med wash in almost a year.  Whereas before his current placement he underwent a med wash about every 6 to 8 weeks.

I hope that they hear me.

At a loss, with tears rolling.

God-Grant-Me-the-Serenity-Black-Vinyl-Wall-Art-Quote-L12708112David is in crisis again.

While I know mentally that there is not a damn thing I can do about it, my heart is breaking because I can’t help him.

Tonight during staff transition, (between shifts), David started a rebellion.  Yes.  You read that correctly.

He got together with a couple peers and started a rebellion.

Eventually, over the course of the evening, David became violent.  So they put him in time out.

Then they had to restrain him to put him back on time out.

He was fighting that, and knocked a plate off a counter, which ended up in the time out room with him.  The plate was plastic.

He used the plate as a weapon and tried to attack staff.  He then started pounding on the window, which they said was some kind of plexi-glass.

So he broke the window.

Somehow he was cut.  Required 4 stitches in one knee and has numerous other cuts.   When you have zero body fat, even four stitches is significant.  He did work at making the wounds  he sustained or gave himself bigger.

And so the tears roll.  As much as I love the little guy, there is nothing I can do for him that they are not already doing.

My fear is that if he keeps doing the things that he is doing, he will end up moving some place further away.  Denver, Red Rock, Duluth, Iowa, Missouri, there are places, but they are much, much further away.

So tonight, because he self-harmed and was physically aggressive, he is on close watch.  He has had all personal items removed from his room.  He has to see staff to sign out clothing and what not.  He has to have someone watching him at all times, including while he is sleeping.

Tonight, they had the program director, the spiritual director, a couple of nurses, his primary, the lodge leader, and a couple of other people all trying to help our son through this crisis.

I am thankful for the staff that is with him.  I am thankful that he is as safe as we can make him without putting him in a straight-jacket.

My heart is breaking because I can’t help.  I can’t make things better.

I don’t know what to do.  Dad’s are supposed to be able to fix things.  I can’t fix this.  I can’t undo the damage caused by a selfish woman who did not think of her unborn child when she proceeded to get herself loaded up on drugs.

We are.

His.

Forever, Family.  Always.

David, you won’t read this.  But I hope that you know how much we love you and miss you.  You are never far from my thoughts and prayers.

I love you, son.
Dad.