Tag Archives: traumatic brain injury

Is this the start?

Caught David stealing food.

10933707_10205820074170553_1599785289395656830_nHe knows that all he has to do is tell us he is hungry.

We just don’t want him hoarding food in his bedroom.

Then he lies and blames it on others, including the cats.

We know that with his metabolism, he burns enough food for two or three other people.  We are not withholding food.

Makes me sad.

Is this the start of the end of the honeymood?

On a side note, his former psychiatrist agreed to accept him into her case load and not make us wait until the end of April.

Time to return to the book “Get Your Joy Back”.

thoughts for today, tomorrow, the future

keep-talking-about-mental-healthI spent the day on the road fetching our daughter from college.  So a large portion of the day was spent alone with my thoughts.

Sometimes, we can’t see the purpose behind the things that happen in our lives.  I understand that David was dealt a crappy hand from birth.  Through our adoption of David, I have learned so much.  About human nature. About myself.

I don’t think that we set forth a life event with the hopes that it will teach us some hard and fast lessons. We sure didn’t adopt David to learn things.

It comes to mind that the little challenges is what gives life flavor.  You know what I mean?

We knew David was special needs when we adopted him.  At the time, it was simply because he was part of African-American. We didn’t see color, we saw a little boy that we had grown to love and that we wanted to give a forever home to.  Not out of some idealistic vision that we were doing this great and noble thing.  Sure, his birth history was discussed.  We knew about him being born addicted to more drugs than a pharmaceutical company has stock.  At the time, no one could quantify the damage that had been done.

As David grew, things began to happen.  At first it was ADHD.  Then it was hoarding.  Then stealing.  Constant lies.  Violent behaviors.  So many little things.  Through it all one thing remained.  Our love for this little boy.  Never.  and I mean never have we considered the option of terminating the adoption.  I don’t find fault in those that have made the decision to do so.  A family has to make that decision on its own without outside influence.

To the parents considering reversing an adoption I say this.  “Go with your heart.  No one knows what you are going through better than you do, not even me, and I have seen some pretty incredible things in the last 10 years.”

To those who choose to judge parents who reverse an adoption, “don’t judge that which you don’t fully comprehend.”

It is a sad reality that some adoptions are reversed.  These are not bad people for deciding that they need to do a reversal.

In the last 24 hours, I have received thousands of messages of support through the various facebook communities that I am a part of.  You have no idea what it means to me as a human being to see this level of support.

This past year has been full of challenges for David.  I don’t know what 2015 will bring, but I hope that he finds peace, even for a little while.

As I close this series of thoughts, I have decided that things need to change for people with mental illness.  Especially the children.  Every child should have the opportunity to get the care that they need in their home state.  We shouldn’t have to “ship our kids across state lines” like so much extra baggage to get them the help they need.  In North Dakota, where we live, I hope to address this topic next legislative session.  Which starts in two weeks.

My goal is to raise awareness.  Please, if you read my blog, share it with others.  Our beautiful son is not the only child who is struggling with mental illness.  There are others out there.  So please, share my blog with others that we might work together to raise awareness.  Awareness begins with one voice and builds steam from there.  I know quite a few parents who have been fighting for their children for a long time, far longer than we have been fighting for David.  Voice’s get tired.  People get tired.  So let’s rally the troops.

Mental illness encompasses a broad range of things. Each mental illness is important.

Thank you again for your support.  It means the world to my family.  To me.

Home sweet home, again.

1176 miles.

From home, to the residential facility and back again.  4 days.

The thing about driving.  It gives a person a lot of time to think.  Ruminations about fatherhood, about things that a person might have done differently for David.

I keep coming back to one inalienable truth.

We did what we had to do.  Not just for David.  But for the whole family.  No one should live in constant fear from a loved one.  Forcing the whole family to live in such a way, at least in my mind, is a form of psychological torture.  I include David.

David didn’t deserve to be constantly in trouble, constantly talked down to, or treated meanly because of his behaviors.  Sure they were relentless.  Sure they hurt, but they were a symptom of a larger problem.

I pray that the David I spent the last couple of days with continues to grow and develop.  Regardless, he is still our son and brother.  He is deserving of as positive a life as he can develop.  We can’t force him to make changes in his life, we can give him the tools necessary to develop those changes for himself.

I see how much more relaxed our older boys are without the constant pressure to be aware of where David is, and what he is doing.  I saw the same with our girls when they were home from college for Thanksgiving.  I see it in my bride.  And I know I feel it in myself.

For someone with auto-immune disease such as Lupus, a trip like this is hard on the body.  There are financial reasons why we can’t go see him more often, but the largest reason is physical.  My body just can’t take the travel like it used to when I was in the Army.  Where I could drive 1800 miles in a shot without stopping for more than restrooms, gas and food.

Already planning for my next chance to see David.  Hopefully in January.  One of the things I want to work on in the new year is the development of an Autism unit at one of the residential facilities in North Dakota.  This will let us bring David closer to home.