The answer should be yes. Not "how can I get my loved one help?"

Tag Archives: IEP

Symptoms v. Behaviors

Symptoms. Behaviors.

What is the difference when you are speaking about a child?

Since, I like to be clear what I am talking about, let’s go to the dictionary site merriam-webster.com to see what they say about the word symptom.

Definition of symptom

1 a : subjective evidence of disease or physical disturbance; broadly : something that indicates the presence of bodily disorder
b : an evident reaction by a plant to a pathogen
2 a : something that indicates the existence of something else

  • symptoms of an inner turmoil
b : a slight indication : trace

Then we look to meriam-webster.com to see what they also have to say about the word behavior.

Definition of behavior

1 : the way in which someone conducts oneself or behaves (see behave 1)

  • We were grateful for the gracious behavior of our hostess.
  • The children were rewarded for good behavior.
  • Be on your best behavior.

; also : an instance of such behavior

  • unacceptable social behaviors
2 a : the manner of conducting (see 2conduct 4) oneself

  • criminal behavior
  • normal adolescent behavior
b : anything that an organism does involving action and response to stimulation
c : the response of an individual, group, or species to its environment

  • They are studying the behavior of elephants in the wild.
3 : the way in which something functions or operates

  • They tested the behavior of various metals under heat and pressure.

Interesting definitions.  One implies a level of control. Can you guess which one?  One implies a reaction based on environment or other factors.

Let’s couple this with a mental health issue.  I’ll use David as an example.  He has severe ADHD.  He can stay awake for two and three days at a time. He also has obsessive compulsive disorder, and autism, and fetal alcohol syndrome.

A small part of each of the last three conditions, is a strong fight or flight instinct.  Strong is the best adjective.  Basically what it means is,if you put your hands on him, you better be prepared for one of two things to happen, he will either hurt you, or run very far – very fast.  In the past, he’d get a “look in his eye” as the school so eloquently put it, and they would move to restrain him.  At the age of 8, he was throwing furniture around the classroom in self-defense, lashing out at those who would try to restrain him for no reason that he could comprehend.   (Note:  I am not making excuses for my son.  we hold him accountable for things, but we do it differently for symptoms. Either way, he knows that his response, be it a symptom or a behavior, may not be appropriate)   It’s basic cause and effect, if you cause him turmoil, he will have an immediate effect on your world.  It’s based on symptomology.

If you look up any condition in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) you will see a list of symptoms.

I guess what I am trying to say is this:  Before we rule that a child’s reaction to stimuli is a behavior, maybe we need to take into account, ANY and ALL diagnoses that the child may have.  Perhaps, if an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) isn’t already in place, steps should be taken to develop one.  After all, don’t we want what is best for the child exhibiting the symptoms?  Shouldn’t we want the best for the child regardless of whether it’s a symptom or a behavior?     I challenge every parent, educator and advocate to familiarize themselves with the following terms: IDEA, LRE, IEP, 504, Due Process.

And one last thought.  If a child takes medication for one or more conditions, he/she is being treated for symptoms, not behaviors.  Just because they aren’t taking a medication for a condition, doesn’t mean they don’t have symptoms.

thoughts for today, tomorrow, the future

keep-talking-about-mental-healthI spent the day on the road fetching our daughter from college.  So a large portion of the day was spent alone with my thoughts.

Sometimes, we can’t see the purpose behind the things that happen in our lives.  I understand that David was dealt a crappy hand from birth.  Through our adoption of David, I have learned so much.  About human nature. About myself.

I don’t think that we set forth a life event with the hopes that it will teach us some hard and fast lessons. We sure didn’t adopt David to learn things.

It comes to mind that the little challenges is what gives life flavor.  You know what I mean?

We knew David was special needs when we adopted him.  At the time, it was simply because he was part of African-American. We didn’t see color, we saw a little boy that we had grown to love and that we wanted to give a forever home to.  Not out of some idealistic vision that we were doing this great and noble thing.  Sure, his birth history was discussed.  We knew about him being born addicted to more drugs than a pharmaceutical company has stock.  At the time, no one could quantify the damage that had been done.

As David grew, things began to happen.  At first it was ADHD.  Then it was hoarding.  Then stealing.  Constant lies.  Violent behaviors.  So many little things.  Through it all one thing remained.  Our love for this little boy.  Never.  and I mean never have we considered the option of terminating the adoption.  I don’t find fault in those that have made the decision to do so.  A family has to make that decision on its own without outside influence.

To the parents considering reversing an adoption I say this.  “Go with your heart.  No one knows what you are going through better than you do, not even me, and I have seen some pretty incredible things in the last 10 years.”

To those who choose to judge parents who reverse an adoption, “don’t judge that which you don’t fully comprehend.”

It is a sad reality that some adoptions are reversed.  These are not bad people for deciding that they need to do a reversal.

In the last 24 hours, I have received thousands of messages of support through the various facebook communities that I am a part of.  You have no idea what it means to me as a human being to see this level of support.

This past year has been full of challenges for David.  I don’t know what 2015 will bring, but I hope that he finds peace, even for a little while.

As I close this series of thoughts, I have decided that things need to change for people with mental illness.  Especially the children.  Every child should have the opportunity to get the care that they need in their home state.  We shouldn’t have to “ship our kids across state lines” like so much extra baggage to get them the help they need.  In North Dakota, where we live, I hope to address this topic next legislative session.  Which starts in two weeks.

My goal is to raise awareness.  Please, if you read my blog, share it with others.  Our beautiful son is not the only child who is struggling with mental illness.  There are others out there.  So please, share my blog with others that we might work together to raise awareness.  Awareness begins with one voice and builds steam from there.  I know quite a few parents who have been fighting for their children for a long time, far longer than we have been fighting for David.  Voice’s get tired.  People get tired.  So let’s rally the troops.

Mental illness encompasses a broad range of things. Each mental illness is important.

Thank you again for your support.  It means the world to my family.  To me.

an update about our favorite special ed teacher

Moonlit SignOur favorite teacher, you may remember her, I wrote about her vendetta against my wife a year ago last Spring.  She doesn’t think that David should be allowed out in public school.  And made mention of the fact that he ruined her child’s first grade education…  yeah.  Her post is here.

At any rate, this teacher changed schools so she is no longer teaching in the same district as my wife.  Which means, she should no longer be making life hell for David’s mom.

The new district has no idea of this teacher’s professional life.  Has no idea of the things she has done in the past.  So my objective in the next legislative session is to advocate for legislation in our state that makes the teacher’s record follow the teacher.

In our state, the hiring authority can call current and previous employers.  All they can “legally say” is that the person worked there.  Unless that person has a criminal record.

I offered to share this blog as a history of sorts, but in actuality, David had very little interaction with this teacher.  One of her children was in his grade while he attended public school for a short time here.  Our primary issue with this teacher is her complete lack of professionalism.  Plus, I could share stories about things that she has said and done in her last district.  But there isn’t enough space on the Internet for all of that information.

The new district that she works in hired her in good faith.  I pray that she changes her ways.  I think that given her knowledge she could be an asset to any district.  But before that can happen, she needs to take a long hard look at herself.

Everyone deserves a second chance, I hope that she takes this and does some good with it.

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