Category Archives: bipolar

Another pleasant visit

We had a pleasant visit with David today.  No issues, no tantrums.

Last week after we left he had a period of high activity and needed to be restrained. They were afraid he would hurt himself or someone else.  Since then, no problems.

Nearly every week I hear how good he is doing.

If he is doing so well, why won’t they keep him?  Why force us to move him?

I just don’t understand.

The standard argument is that he needs a “low stimulus” environment.  Well, there are only four kids in his residence currently.  Short of isolating him completely, how “low stimulus” can he get?

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A win, no matter how you look at it

Yesterday we spent the afternoon with David.  In addition to having Christmas with him, we also had his monthly staffing with the facility staff where he lives.

Mostly positive reports. David continues to be all over the place with his energy levels and behaviors.  By all reports, he is doing very well in school. Last year at this time, we couldn’t keep him in the school building, this year, he only has one class that he is failing, and we are pretty sure it is because he isn’t happy with the structure of the class.

Anyway, we shared a meal with David, and then opened presents.  It was fun, David received presents from everyone in the family, and gave presents in return.

Presents that David gave ranged from a bracelet to mechanical pencils to a X-Men trilogy DVD set.

Today wasn’t about the gifts.  Today was about having the whole family together.  It was about spending the day together.

During the meeting, it was mentioned that David still believes he is moving home.  Sadly, as much as I would love to have him at home, he is still too volatile.

Tonight, I received a call from staff, David was angry because he didn’t want to go to bed, so he started punching a staff member.  As a result, David ended up in restraint for almost 30 minutes.

All in all, today was a win for David.  Sure it didn’t end on the best of notes, but he spent the whole afternoon with his family.

In his life, that is a win, no matter how you look at it.

 

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A watershed moment

yesterday, Friday, was something of a watershed moment for us.  We realize that we are one day closer to moving David to another state for the ongoing care and treatment of his multifaceted mental illness.  DSCF1219

On Monday, December 23, we will have our last monthly staffing meeting for David.

On Monday, December 23, we will celebrate Christmas with David.

Sometime in the first two weeks of January, 2014, mom and I will make the trip to his new home with him.  After that, there won’t be any more weekly visits.  We will have Skype, but hugging a computer isn’t the same as hugging my son.

We are happy that we get to spend one more Christmas with him close by.

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I was thinking today, my childhood.  See my brother and I are adopted.  We share the same DNA, he is about 18 months older.  So, I understand some of what David is dealing with when it comes to feelings of abandonment.

Mom and Dad divorced when I was very young.  We lived with Mom.

Life wasn’t always easy, but then, when is it?  Mom married and divorced a number of times, so there wasn’t really a firm father figure in our lives.

When my wife and I decided to pursue adoption we had to complete a home study.  As a part of that, I had to write a autobiography.

When the social worker reviewed it, she asked, “what would you base your parenting style on?”

I responded with what I knew.

Father Knows Best
Leave it to Beaver
The Brady Bunch
My Three Sons
and The Andy Griffith Show

The social worker then said, “You know, those aren’t representative of reality, right?”

“Neither was the way I grew up. ” I replied.

I then added, “I will raise my family the way I wanted to be raised.  With love, with respect.  Leading by example.  Family dinners.  Now, I am not saying that mom and dad didn’t love us. It just wasn’t shown to us.”

I hug my children every chance I get. I never hesitate to tell them how much I love them, and that they are important.  That they matter.

Here I am, sending our youngest away.  He is 12.  I know I am doing the right thing for David, and our family.  But, my heart is breaking.

Today, we secured the funding necessary to move David to his new home for the foreseeable future.  That idea just makes this all the more real.  That is today’s watershed moment.

 

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