Author Archives: carl

Pete and repeat – say again?

So for what seems like the hundredth time, I had the talk with David, our 10 year old about how his behaviour will follow him for the rest of his life.  Do I think I got through to him this time?  Sadly, no, I don’t.

This is the child who just got out of a residential facility, where he was placed in part because of his behaviour.  I explained that there are worse places for him to be, and gave him specific examples.  I talked about how when I was a kid, I was in trouble with the law and was taken from my home in handcuffs.  Yes, even at the age that he is, they might not use handcuffs, but they could decide that this isn’t the proper environment for him.

So the question is, how do we protect him from himself?  When it is just him, and myself, there are no major issues, but bring the other kids home from school… and he has to act up and do all kinds of things to get attention.  I have taken away computer privileges, I have taken away toys, I have taken away special treats like oatmeal creme pies, which are his favourite.  To no avail.  He continues to do what he wants when he wants it.

Friday is amnesty day.  He gets amnesty if he gives back everything that he stole throughout the week.  Today I gave him amnesty and he didn’t give me anything.  So when I was making one of many intervention trips into his room to keep his brother from killing him, I went through his things and found…

  1. One hole punch.
  2. One cat food can, partially empty.
  3. Two cat food can lids.
  4. A half dozen AA batteries.
  5. 4 pens.  (not allowed because he writes on everything, whether it is his or not.)
  6. Candy wrappers. (we control his candy intake because of the severity of his ADHD, he isn’t allowed any except under very controlled circumstances.)

Earlier this week,  he had managed to break into our bedroom and steal a netbook from his mother….

So how do we protect him from himself?  How do we protect him from his brother’s and sister’s?  How do we protect his brother’s and sister’s from him?

Today, I went so far as to explain what his behaviour does to my health.  I have a number of illnesses that respond negatively to stress.  I am not going to delude myself into thinking that it will change his behaviour.  I told him, as much for his information as it was for me to admit it to myself.

Tomorrow, mentor time.  Which means for 5 hours he won’t be in the house.  5 hours of relative quiet.  Am I wrong to look forward to that break?

storm watch — warning – a lesson for my kids.

So we are under a winter storm watch. From Saturday evening to Monday morning.

Winter on the Northern Plains typically lasts from mid October when we normally get our first snow to late April, when we get our last snow.  This year, we have been blessed with Spring like weather until this past week.  Two days ago we received an inch and a half of snow.  Last year at this time we had over 90 inches to put it into perspective.

Now, we are under a storm warning that promises to change that. Now since Winter on the Northern plains is a 6 and a half month proposition, it would make sense that we are used to being in the weather.  Nope.  First snow of the year and everyone forgets how to drive on snow.  Everyone forgets the cardinal rule when travelling.

“Never pass the snow plow.”

Why?  Well apart from common sense that you don’t pass a vehicle when you are snow blind that may at any point turn into your lane.  It makes sense doesn’t it?  Don’t go there.  Plus, I think that there are rules regarding passing the plow.  The plow man is mandated to turn or pull off the road at specified intervals in order to allow accumulated traffic pass him.

How nerve wracking must it be to be sitting up in that plow, plumes of snow cascading off of the blade on your truck or tractor, obscuring the vision behind you, and here comes this car. Not much bigger than the plow in front of your truck.  Where did he come from?  Heaven forbid, where did he go?

Never pass the snow plow.

how can any parent kill a child?

I was reading a recent article at thedenverchannel.com about a self-described stay at home father who assaulted his wife and then started a fire in his home in an attempt to kill himself, his kids and the family pet.

First, let me start by saying that the average stay at home father has no thoughts of killing their kids.  They have made a conscious decision to stay at home and provide care for their family.

Second, how can someone kill their own child?  It is one thing to have a marriage end.  It is quite another to take that failed marriage and turn the kids into some kind of scheme to get back at the ex.

As a stay at home father, I value my time with the kids. My youngest son is currently being home-schooled while we work within the law to facilitate his return to public school.  Sure I get frustrated everyday with his behaviour, but that doesn’t mean I am going to kill him.  Even on the most stressful days when I long for water cooler conversation with co-workers, I can look at him and know that what I am doing is the right thing.

After a period of time, I came to the realisation that I am doing what I was meant to do.  I don’t know what that means, but I do know that I am at peace with being a stay at home father.  I like to cook. I like being home when my kids get home from school and hearing about their days.  I don’t like laundry, house cleaning or anything of that nature, but it comes with the job.  (Much like doing structured queries across a database using perl. You don’t like it, but sometimes it has to be done..)

At any rate, it is my opinion that the person who would kill a child, let alone their own child to get back at an ex is nothing more than a coward.  Doesn’t matter if it is a man or a woman.  To kill a child because of how you feel about the former significant other is just plain cowardly.