Author Archives: David's Father

What do you want to hear?

Well.

Just got off the phone with a social worker from the hospital where David is.

I had to explain what “the boys hide in their rooms to feel safe from David” means.

David told staff that he tells me things like “if you like, I can stab you with a knife” because he thinks that is what I want to hear.

Why would I “want” to hear something like that?

If he tells me things that he thinks I want to hear, wouldn’t it stand to reason that he would do the same thing in the mental health unit?

Don’t get me wrong, we have and have had some pretty incredible social workers helping with David’s care.  But once in a while… you have to wonder.

The social worker repeatedly informed me that they are an acute care facility and that we should make more use of the safe beds.  Trouble is, safe bed won’t accept him if he is voicing homicidal urges.

If he is confronted he can become aggressive.  In the past he has become aggressive.  First step is verbal, then comes clenching fists, then comes…  you get the idea.  So do I go around town warning people not to confront him?  How does that help David?  If anything, it makes it easier for him to do illegal things.  Because the rules in place are stupid, at least according to David.  He should be able to do what ever he wants when he wants to.

Then she asked me the all important question of the day.  “are you exploring the legal system to get him help?”

It is my belief that there needs to be a fundamental change in the way mental health is treated in our country. the justice system is not an appropriate place for treatment. we can build more prisons, but we can’t build more facilities for treatment of mental health issues. Why is that?

 

 

Honest emotion

survival business as a special needs parent is hard stuffI cried today.
I cried while mowing my lawn.  Mowing gives you time to think.  The drone of the mower is perfect for masking thoughts, for allowing them a fertile breeding ground.

I cried for David.  For the little boy who wants so desperately to be loved, yet pushes away and punishes those who love him most, his family.

I cried for the hope that is diminishing a little each day.  A hope that he will see that what he is doing is wrong, and the way he treats people is wrong.

I cried out in prayer.  Something that I do everyday.  Pray.  Does God hear my prayers?  I believe that he does.

I believe that David was brought into our lives for a reason.  Ours is not to question why.  Yet we struggle daily with his behaviors, his attitude, the words he says, the things he does.  We struggle.

Is this a test of our faith?

I cried today.  Sometimes, when you don’t know what else to do, there is nothing left after prayer except tears to help rehabilitate your spirit.

Cry.  It is an honest emotion, and there is nothing wrong with being human enough to shed tears.  This is survival.

Back in the Hospital – was – The Dilemma – What to do with David

Bamboozler.This has been something of a roller coaster week. I was in Indianapolis for the National Disability Rights Network annual conference.  Some fantastic networking opportunities.  A lot of great information, fabulous food and weather.

At home, David was busy doing what David does.

At the top of the list?

He forged a check.

He was charged with unruly behaviors and taken to safe bed.  So now I need to determine what further charges should be contemplated.

Do I press charges for forging a check on my account?

Today, I brought him home from the safe bed. For the most part he has been good.  I have allowed him zero freedoms.  I hate doing that, but he needs to know that actions have consequences.

To quote him, “safe bed is a worse place than here, and they let me go outside. So how come I can’t go outside.”

then he says “can I just go back to the psych ward, I don’t want to live here any more. There is nothing fun to do.”

He says that he wants to tell us what is right.  His way is right.  What he says is the right way to do things.  My banning “Call of Duty” is wrong.  Someone needs to play the game and since no one else was, then he should be able to do so.  Banning facebook access was wrong, because since he created his latest account, he has gotten 66 friends in 3 days.  Banning Internet access is wrong.  (David has threatened to kill someone via facebook, which is why we don’t allow him to use it.)  He also told me that he has been using Internet on the i-pad he is sometimes allowed to use.  Guess we need to make some changes.  He knows that isn’t allowed, but thinks that the rule is wrong since it isn’t the way he wants things to be.

I should note, shortly after I started this post, David’s behaviors escalated.  I ended up taking him to the mental health unit in the city.  He told me “if you like, I can stab you with a knife.”  or something like that.  I am a little tired, it is nearly 230 in the morning, it has been a long day.

The staff on the unit greeted him by name.  He left some clothes behind when he was there last, so we don’t need to bring him clothing.  How sad is it that the mental health unit knows him well enough that they don’t require me to complete his psycho-social history form?  How sad is it that he will be discharged in 4 days.  David was discharged from safe bed at 2:30.  12 hours later he is in the hospital under mental health care.

I am afraid that one day, we will become statistics in a book that no one ever wants to be a statistic in.  Pray that we get the help he needs soon.