Last night was scary. Not sure what happened exactly, but David is back in the hospital. At 8pm, with his bedtime medicines he gets a snack. He wanted oatmeal, instead I gave him a granola bar. He said that he would hurt me if I didn’t give him the right snack. He made a move to run, pushed our 8 foot long dining room table at me, pinching me into my chair. I pushed back. Then because I didn’t know what he was going to do, I picked him up, took him to the living room and said that if he wanted to go to the hospital that is what would happen. He was ready to go in minutes. Since we live an hour from the hospital, and the weather conditions were near blizzard like, I drove slowly. David started turning the heat off and on, playing with the radio,
Today, I had the rare opportunity to have a frank talk with David. We talked about everything from sunshine to cats. We talked about his favorite movie, Heaven is for Real. We talked about dogs, rain, basketball (though I am by no means knowledgeable) and we talked behaviors. We talked about how he likes being at home. When asked about being home, David candidly stated “I don’t think I am a home person, I don’t do very well here.” I asked him if he thought a facility would be better, and he stated “I don’t like facilities because I can’t get my permit at 14.” So we talked about behaviors and driving permits. I explained that sometimes, behaviors limit the extracurricular activities that we enjoy. He understands that. I gradually turned the conversation back to behaviors. I asked one very telling question, not expecting a response. “Why do you do
I am exhausted. Mentally. he will push until I respond. when I refuse to acknowledge him, he pushes harder. When I snap and yell at him, he is happy. Then he says, why are you yelling? You shouldn’t yell like that dad, it’s not healthy. So I tell him to sit and eat. No. Not hungry. So I go to put his dishes in the sink, so I can wash them, since I am doing dishes anyway. Now he is hungry. If I move in any direction where he might be, he acts as if I am going to chase him. If I am close to him, he acts like I am going to hit him. You would think, I beat him severely. I don’t. Quite frankly, I don’t think that it would make any difference if I did. It’s sad, I sit here with my headphones on, music on.