Category Archives: Mental Health – Child

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A response to events in Ferguson – a teachable moment

My son is African-American.  I could care less.  All I care about is that he is my son.

That said, how would I feel if he was shot and killed?  Of course, I would be heartbroken.

So how do I talk to him about the events in Ferguson, Mo?  Or do I?  He is affected differently by some things just because of his race.  Why is he affected differently?  Because the rest of our family is not African-American. Because he is.  It is a simple fact of life.  It isn’t fair, but it is life.

We didn’t adopt him out of hope of winning some noble award for bettering a race of people.  We adopted him because we fell in love with a little boy.  Our whole family fell in love with him.  Those that didn’t no longer matter because they haven’t been a part of his life since before the adoption was finalized.

When we adopted him, the case worker asked how we would teach him about his heritage.  I don’t know.  More than a decade later, I still don’t know.  What we are working to teach him, as we are all of our children, is to be a human being.  To live life in a way that exemplifies you as a human.  To show empathy to those who are less fortunate.  To treat others as you want to be treated.  We have taught him that the ni***r word is never appropriate.  NEVER.

So how do I respond to the events in Ferguson?  Where a community has experienced so much.

In Ferguson, Mo.
A man was shot by a police officer.
An African-American was shot by a police officer.
An African-American was shot by a white police officer.

Outside of Ferguson.
A man was shot by a police officer.
A white man was shot by a police officer.
A white man was shot by an African-America police officer.

How is one more valid or important than the other?  Most people never heard about the second death by police.  I won’t tell you much about it except to say it happened in Utah.  Look up the event for yourself.  I won’t say that either police officer was justified in their actions.  I wasn’t present when the events happened, and I bet a lot of other people weren’t either.

So teachable moment exists for all of our society.  How do we handle it from here?   I don’t expect to stamp out racism any time soon, that is much too idealistic.  But when the race card is played over and over again as the potential reason for events in our lives, eventually it loses it’s potency.

Isn’t it bad enough that a man was killed by a police officer?  or by anyone for that matter?

African-American heritage should be celebrated.  As should American heritage.

This is a time when the very fabric of our society could use a teachable moment to begin the change process.  Who is up for the challenge?

What will be our legacy for future generations?

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Hope – for peace in his heart

Red, green and blue lights showing secondary c...

Red, green and blue lights showing secondary colours. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

David is really struggling over the last 24 hours.  A majority of it is his response to his primary staff leaving.  That he formed that strong a bond with someone is important.  So while I understand that his behaviors are negative right now, maybe we need to look at it from a different angle.

He formed an attachment of some kind with someone.  This has only happened a couple of times in his life that I know of.  So this is huge!  Is it appropriate?  Maybe not always, but it should still be celebrated.  So we are trying to work with David and the staff at the facility to show David that it is ok.  That how he feels is ok.

With the Autism, David doesn’t understand sadness.  He understands how different emotions get him different things, but he doesn’t understand emotions.  So the key is to show him that the “loss” he feels is normal.  How do we do that?

Do I wish that he had bonded with his family?  Yes, but what I wish for isn’t important.  We need to focus on David.  Time to take off the rose colored glasses.  Try to see the world how David sees it.  Is that even possible?

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Shame and Depression – A lack of humanity.

The recent suicide of Robin Williams is a tragedy for his family. RethinkMentalIllnesslogo250_250

For the rest of the world it is a great loss.  I’ll admit to being a huge fan of the man.  I understand addiction.  I also understand some things about depression.   Did Mr. Williams have Bipolar Disorder?  I don’t know, that is between him, his family and his doctor.

The discussion that we should be having on an International scale is how we as humans view and treat people with Mental Illness.  Depression is a mental illness.  There is no shame in being depressed, or seeking treatment for it.

Yet.  The headlines in one major paper referenced the fact that he was found in his bedroom, which was not the same bedroom his wife slept in.  Reports are that his children are being badgered by the media, specifically people on social media who are being less than polite.  This is shameful.  It is not our business the private lives of celebrity.  What does it say about the mental health of all of us who think that it is our business?

A family lost the most important person in their world.  Sure that person was a celebrity.  His family didn’t ask to be celebrities, his family didn’t ask for him to take his life in the midst of that depression.

The way people are hounding them is shameful.  For what?  A soundbite?  Some lost piece of the mystery that is Mental Illness which Mr. Williams dealt with in his life?

We had Mr. Williams in our lives, entertaining us, making us think, laugh, on occasions cry, and most of all, he gave us joy.  Joy it seems that was masking his own pain.

We need to give the family space.  As a member of the human race, I had no reason to know that Mr. Williams killed himself.  I had no need to know the salacious details behind how he did that.  All that I needed to know was that he passed from this world, and even that information isn’t necessary for my survival.

Now that the information is out regarding the state of his mental health, rather than badgering his family, trashing his illness, or using his name for a soundbite, think Rush Limbaugh, we should be talking about how to adequately address the state of mental health treatment in our world.

We need to see how we can better treat the mentally ill.  Mental Illness isn’t an illness that can be decoded with a thermostat, a blood pressure cuff, or a quick doctor’s visit.  It takes many, many visits to a clinician to determine what the illness is, as well as the level of illness.  Sadly, when you are a celebrity, you can’t expect the right to privacy that the average citizen has.

Doesn’t the memory of all that Mr. Williams gave us warrant a respectful, a peaceful, and a private family time to mourn?  If we were under deluge by a barrage of media requests, we would scream about invasion of privacy.  Doesn’t this family deserve that same level of respect?

Rest in Peace Mr. Williams.  I thank you for the joy you gave my family through your sometimes irreverent sense of humor.

Zelda and family, (I won’t list you all, Zelda just seems to be the most prominent) my sincere condolences on the loss of your father and husband.  Nothing can take away the pain of that loss.  Knowing that he lived his life doing what he loved and that he loved each of you, will be the only solace that you have.  Please know that not all of the fans that adored Mr. Williams lack humanity.

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