Category Archives: asking for help

when it rains, it pours

The famous Morton Salt Umbrella Girl and slogan, "When It Rains It Pours®" first appear on the blue package of table salt and in a series of Good Housekeeping magazine advertisements. The slogan is adapted from an old proverb, “It never rains but it pours.”

The famous Morton Salt Umbrella Girl and slogan, “When It Rains It Pours®” first appear on the blue package of table salt…

Ah, the old cliche.  When it rains, it pours.

Did you know that this phrase hearkens back to an advertisement from the Morton Salt company?

This evening, when Mom called to let us know that she was on her way home from work, David started acting up.

I now know why.

See, he stole an old cell phone from his mom’s dresser drawer.  And he tried to hide it.  In the process the dog went missing from his tie out. Which he tried to blame on the “bad people in town”.

More on the dog story later.

Back to the cell phone.  David swears that if we would provide him with a cell phone of his own, he would stop stealing them.  How do I reward a negative behavior with a positive item?

When he was in safe bed he wrote a long detailed letter about why he should get one.  He said that having a cell phone would make him more responsible.  He thinks that just because a cell isn’t being used, that it gives him the right to play with it.  It’s not deactivated if it still has Internet access is his logic.   See, he desperately wants Internet access.

He has a history with the Internet that isn’t good.  He likes to threaten to harm people on facebook.  He likes to charge apps and games to other peoples accounts.  He is good.  He is crafty.  It is why we don’t let him have Internet access.  Sure we could “lock the Internet down”,  but with him, that isn’t a realistic option.  Do you know how many people use their names, or a series of numbers as their wifi password?

So we had a breakdown, breakthrough, or maybe I am jaded enough to think that he is trying to pull the wool over my eyes.  But tonight he said he thinks about hurting himself when he steals.  I’d like him to talk to me before he follows through with the urge to steal.  But, I don’t think that he can and worse, he doesn’t think that he can.

During the discussion about the phone, David admitted to letting the dog loose from his tie out.

I asked him why, and he said “because I wanted to be able to run around town.

Long time readers know that David can’t be trusted to be out and about by himself.  The most we let him do is ride his bike around the block.  I wish it wasn’t that way.

I wish that like most other 14 year old kids he could go out and play with his friends.  But he doesn’t have friends.  And it isn’t because we are socially isolating him.

David has a history of doing things that either directly or indirectly are harmful to other people.  It is the way he is wired.  No medication will ever change that.  So we do our best to keep him and the community safe.  This comes at a price to the rest of the family.  The kids didn’t have a childhood where they brought friends around.  We don’t have lot of friends.

David deserves a forever family.  Like I keep telling him, no matter where he ends up living, he will always have a family.  He doesn’t appreciate it, so maybe it is only me serving my ego by telling him this.

I can’t give up on him.  I just can’t.  But that doesn’t mean that I can’t beg for help.

David, when you read this, and I know that someday you will.  We really do love you, and care very deeply about you and what you are going through.  No one can force you to change.  That has to come from within you.  I pray that you learn this before it is too late.

Round Two of the Battle for Services

home-page-slide-1We are repeatedly told that we need to do more.

So we are doing more.  We have added intensive in home therapy, individual therapy, and have ongoing mentor support (staff).  We also are visiting doctors and psychiatrists.

I spend my days either on the road to the cities, or at home chasing down this report or that report.  The reports are the WISC, BASC and what not.  It seems like it takes four or five calls to track down who has the report.  Then it takes four or five calls to get them to release the records.

Of course, everyone needs a release signed, though we sign them in the Spring of the year.  So I travel in the other direction in order to get those releases signed.

Last week, a call was made to the in state facility.  This generated a review of the decision to deny placement of David at the facility nearest our home.  This review happens on August 5th.

A piece of the review plan involves letters from the primary psychiatrist, psychologist and the therapist.  We were able to get letters from the last two professionals, but so far not the first.  It seems that the psychiatrist is holding out for more information from the facility we are trying to get him into.

David hasn’t been in the facility for 18 months.  So not sure what the psychiatrist is looking for.  They are demanding progress notes, therapy notes, behavior reports, test results, everything detailing David’s stay there.

Why?

In May of this year, when David was in the mental health unit at the hospital, his primary psychiatrist told us that he needed long term placement in a psychiatric residential treatment facility.  She said then that she would write a letter for us to help get him a placement.

So why now is the letter being held hostage for documentation that doesn’t directly impact placement options at the present time?

I appreciate that the psychiatrist is busy.  I also appreciate that sometimes things get lost in the traffic of running a practice.  This is of little consolation to my family, and David.

Is the psychiatrist upset with the facility for not responding to their repeated records requests?  Or is the psychiatrist upset with me because I document their foibles on my blog?

I have always said that if the people involved in David’s care complete their job as they are supposed to do in a professional manner, then I will praise them in writing.

I can see now why the psychiatrist recommended that we give up custody to get David the care that he needs.  To me it is still not an option worthy of consideration.

After we get acceptance or denial at a facility, we then have to go back to Ascend Management Innovations for approval.  In the meantime, our family is at risk.  Ultimately, this process, this travesty that is the mental health care system is just grossly inadequate.  It is tragic that this is what passes for care for those with mental illness.

911. Out of control child

patrol carWe were blessed with the appearance of one of the sisters for the night.  David has 2 brothers and 2 sisters.  The sisters generally don’t come around because of him, as is their right.

So we were doing the family thing, supper.  David got upset with me because I wouldn’t let him have pie without eating his meal.  And because he knows that he isn’t allowed to have Gatorade more than once a day and then only with permission.  He has been sneaking them.  It isn’t a big deal.

A bit later, we sat down to watch a movie, and things escalated when I asked him to please be quiet so that others could watch the movie.  Too much to ask for.

Since we make him ask permission to use the bathroom, he likes to start fires in there plus he has an interest in chemistry.  So I took him to the bathroom.  I don’t go in with him, it is just to keep him from getting into things he shouldn’t.  I thought that he was going to jump on his mom’s legs.  Readers may remember that she had double knee replacement 4 weeks ago.  So I braced him up against the wall.  When I let him go, he ran outside.

I went outside to keep him out of trouble, and he started throwing things out of the vehicles.  So I locked one car at a time.  He got within a foot of me, so I made to grab his shirt and hopefully him.  Instead, my hip went one way and the rest of me went sliding along the pavement.  He claims to have struck at me, but I don’t remember that.  At any rate, I have a nerve disorder in my legs, and right now it feels like a thousand needles are being pushed into this part of my leg.

I asked David to get me help.  He just laughed at me.  Said it was my fault for thinking I could catch him with a bad hip.  I went in the house, came out with my cell phone and called 911.  David claimed that he was happy about that, as that would mean he didn’t have to live with us anymore and could go to juvenile jail.

The deputies calmed him down.  And now he is in the house.  trying to start things up again. leg

I should have had him cited, but honestly, I was going through the shakes of adrenaline coming down and didn’t think of it. Here is my leg. I am on blood pressure medicines that make me bruise, so will have a wicked bruise tomorrow.  I also have some tearing in the skin on my elbow.  It would have been worse had I not been wearing pants.

As a dad I hate having to call the sheriff for helping parenting my child. Nothing makes you feel lower than having to ask for help in controlling your child’s behaviors, except falling, then having said child laugh at you and refusing to get help.

We are blessed with a Care Coordinator that I can contact just about whenever and she will respond.  She keeps telling me not to apologize for contacting her after normal work hours.  She knows and understands the struggles that we are going through.  She is fighting for David and our family; has been for 6 years.

I have systemic lupus, plus a neuropathy in my legs.  I had labs done for the Lupus, and some of the markers are returning as positive for disease activity.  Stress feeds the disease.  Part of the Auto-Immune disease issue is that stress feeds the illness.

Wish us luck that we can get help for David sooner rather than later.

On Friday, lucky enough, David is with his mentor for 5 hours.  It will be a welcome break.

I overheard the him telling the deputy that I made him mad, that is why he was acting this way.  I hate to see what would happen if I make him really angry.