The answer should be yes. Not "how can I get my loved one help?"

Author Archives: David's Father

A complete lack of communication – Medication Issue

Complete lack of communication – Medication Issue

How hard is it?  David has six prescriptions.  Two medications are available over the counter – the others aren’t.  communication

Since the staff at the juvenile detention center where David is currently being housed had an issue with his originally supplied medication, we supplied them with all new prescriptions from the pharmacy and brand new bottles of the over the counter medications, both were sealed.  Included were two prescriptions for the over the counter medication that the pharmacy gave us on behalf of David’s psychiatrist.

Yet.

They are still claiming an issue with his medication.  So he isn’t getting all of his medication.

One would think that the nurse would check with David’s doctor.  With me.  Or the doctor who prescribed the medication.  With the advocate. With David’s lawyer.  Or the Care Coordinator. With Juvenile Court.  or maybe the Developmental Disabilities Program Manager.

So many people that they could have taken a few minutes and called to clarify ANY medication issues.

And they didn’t.

Communication.

So knowing my son.  He isn’t getting the sleep he should because of the way his body is.  I don’t care if your body will let you stay awake for 48 to 72 hours without any issue.  You need decent REM sleep like any other person.  Without it, they are setting him up for a huge failure.

If it was safe for the rest of us to bring him home, I would.

I promise these people.  They have never seen a child like my son come through their doors.  Why do I say that?  Because we have been told that by two other facilities systems that he has been in.  Because I know my son.  I know at least some of what he is capable of.

I fear that which I don’t know about him.  How easy it would be for him to have a complete psychotic break and seriously injure someone?  These are the things I don’t know.  and it makes me afraid for him.  Very afraid of where his life goes from here.  Especially without his medication.

Communication is hugely important in any child’s life. When dealing a child with serious mental illness, it is even more so.

 

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The unfinished quilt top: unraveling threads

Unfinished quilt tops.

Loose fabric, pieced together.  seams resewn to strengthen the final product.  adjustments, another persons eye to style and color.  A work in progress. 

I have been told, I have broad shoulders to carry the burden of David’s care. To these people I say:  I am just a dad.  A sewer, striving to finish his quilt.  That is all, nothing more.

I strive to save the lovingly hand stitched aspect of the quilt top while ensuring it won’t fall apart upon the first washing.Life lessons.  Spools of thread.

Simple things the second.  Complex thoughts on the first.

I was thinking about a sewing project I have been trying to find time to work on.  I am finishing a quilt.  I purchased an unfinished quilt top at auction and am working to finish.  Just haven’t been able to make time to sit down and tackle it.  Not to mention the stack of patching, hemming and repairs that are sitting in my sewing area.

In thinking about the similarities between the spool of thread on my sewing machines, and David’s care I am struck by one thing.  It seems like the harder I pull on that small thread, the faster things unravel.  We have built a team of professionals around his needs to allow him to receive the best care possible.  Yet.  I feel like his care is like that unfinished quilt top.

How do I move beyond where we are with his care and onto more productive, and a more supportive care plan that is wrapped around him like a quilt? That doesn’t just protect him from the cold harsh realities of life, but offers a warming protection against those same realities.  Because, truly, right now I would have to agree with a former team member and say that eventually he will just end up in prison.

Prison is not a place to go to get mental health services.

I can talk to people until I lose my voice.  But they really don’t get the struggle that is David’s life.  They don’t get that, much like the needle on my sewing machine, if it breaks, you replace the needle, you don’t throw away the whole machine and start over.  You don’t continue sewing with the same needle, hoping for positive results.

You change the needle.

If it breaks again, then you consider your thread. Or adjust thread tension.

unfinished quilt tops: unraveled threads

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/241294492510022573/

If you continue to do the same thing over and over again without adapting to the fabric you are working with, all that you will experience is frustration.

As we strive to move forward with David’s care, we bring together varying professionals, much like fabric scraps used to make a quilt.  Sometimes, one scrap will work better with the rest of the top than another.  Same with professionals.  If one part of the team that is David’s “quilt top” isn’t working, we need to open the seam and change that piece out.

David’s world has unraveled.  We can try to rewind the spool of thread that is his world, rebuild the quilt top with the right pieces, and wrap him with a finished quilt that can support him for a long time to come.

Barriers exist in the mental health system that bar our success in finishing the first quilt.  In a few years, he will be an adult in the eyes of the law, while remaining a preteen mentally and emotionally.  At that point, he will be needing a new quilt.

Ask any quilter or sewer.

A quilt is a work in progress.  Eventually it might be labeled as finished, but throughout it’s life, it will periodically need care.

I have been told, I have broad shoulders to carry the burden of David’s care. To these people I say:  I am just a dad.  A sewer, striving to finish his quilt.  That is all, nothing more.

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Breaking hearts, practicing tough love with our son

Breaking our hearts to practice tough love with David.
He called home for the first time since he was placed in detention.  Full of tears, and a story about how he banished the bad version of himself.
Breaking Hearts

Cook County Juvenile Detention Facility & Court

Cook County Juvenile Detention Facility & Court (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

During the first hearing, he didn’t want to talk to us. During the second, he said hello.

He isn’t happy there in the detention center.  Nothing to do and in bed by 6pm.  He claims they won’t let him read or do anything.  And he can’t visit with peers.

We can go visit him for an hour on Sunday.  In order to visit, we have to give 24 hours notice.

He told me that he wasn’t getting his medicine.  I talked to the staff and they said he wasn’t in compliance.  So tomorrow, I’ll find out what that means.  Because he needs his medicine and will have all sorts of problems if they don’t give it to him.   So tomorrow, a Saturday, I’ll start trying to unravel that issue.

No contact from staff.

Why didn’t the detention center call and talk to me about a problem with his medicine?  Or talk to his lawyer about it?  Or his advocate who has talked to David more than I have this week.  It will be difficult to do anything about it on the weekend.

Monday, I hope to get his psychiatrist and case manager to make sure that they have the medicine for him that he needs.

Super frustrated with so much about this experience, but we are staying the course.

David claims that he has banished the bad version of himself.  That he will never assault anyone, or become violent again.  He apologized for his behavior.

He said this before when he tried to crash our van on the highway two years ago.  That same summer when he attacked me with the shovel he said the same thing.  “I’ll never do it again.”

There was the time he threatened to stab me to death with a knife, and then when he said he was going to beat me with a stick.  So, I am hesitant to believe him.  If we cave and bring him home, we are showing compassion.  If we cave and bring him home without consequence and then this happens again, what are we showing him?  We forgive, and it happens again.  So our breaking hearts are practicing tough love.  You can forgive things that happen, but you never forget.  The fear stays with you, like the smell of a dead skunk on the highway stays with you 20 miles after you have passed it.

This parenting this is sure hard.

Why did it happen after two years?  Simple, he was in facility care.  He had support staff all the time. Other than mentor support 10 hours a week, he doesn’t get support.  Professionals claim he doesn’t need support.That he is getting all of the services that he needs. When he comes home from care, we have what we call a honeymood.  It’s the period where things are golden.

My contention is that if he had support staff, Monday would have never happened.

Now, if we could only believe his apology.  So many apologies over the years for the things he has done.  For the attacks, both physical and verbal.  I wish I could do like the facility recommended, and put the past behind me.  To not let it hold over us, a fear of our son.  Mom and I are in tears over this situation.

He needs to understand that there is acceptable behavior.  Violence is not acceptable behavior.  And for those who would argue that we shouldn’t let him play violent video games, or watch violent television.  We don’t.  On his x-box, he plays basketball.  The most violent show he watches is NCIS.

Let us be clear.  We don’t believe that the justice system is the place to get mental health care.

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