David's Father, Author at Fighting for Answers

A sad reality – restraint of a mentally ill child

It’s a sad reality. Our son David is mentally ill.

I know it’s been a while since I last posted. So much has happened.

On Feb 3, as I was driving into the city for a medical appointment, I received a call from the facility where David was.

“If you don’t come and get him by 1pm, you will be charged with abandonment.” said the Clinical Director.

I tried to explain that I was on my way to a medical appointment, 100 miles south of the facility. I explained that I had made arrangements to pick him up at 4pm. Not good enough.

I was given the ultimatum, either pick up your son by 1pm, or be charged. As a result, I cancelled my appointment, turned around and went to pick him up.

You see, he is well. Or so they believed. That’s why his peers want to kill him.

That’s also why his school wants him to be escorted from one class to the next.

Things happened that I can’t talk about yet.

Except the most recent event. We began to notice a decline in his mental state. He was refusing to cooperate, refusing to go to class, many many things. This weekend, things came to a head.
On Monday, he spent nearly 4 hours at school sitting in a room staring at the wall. Absolutely refusing to do anything. He didn’t talk, he didn’t eat, he didn’t use the bathroom. When he got home, he had a snack and we talked about his day. He was fairly calm.

Suppertime. We had Mexican food. Something he loves.

He refused to eat it. Wanted breakfast cereal. We try to remain consistent as much as possible so told him either he eats what we made, or he doesn’t eat supper. He left the table.

We didn’t push it. A bit later, he became argumentative over the word please. “You don’t say please,” he stated.

So we started saying please. He didn’t like that.

He brings home a daily report card from school. As the evening progressed, and began to decline in mental state, he stood up, shredded that paper and threw it all over the living room.

Mom stood up, approached him, and asked him “Please, pick up all of this paper.”

He was about two feet from her. Punched her in the chest hard enough to rock her back a step. He then tore off and went outside.

As I followed at a small distance, he began screaming racial slurs at me. We don’t speak like he was speaking, and we don’t allow him to either. He said “keep your nigger bitch away from me.” and a bit later “keep your fat nigger ass away before I kick it.”

We find the N word to be derogatory. I don’t like it. Mom and I are Caucasians.

It was not our son that was screaming those words. I don’t know who it was.

So we followed the care plan. We called 911. Within minutes we had Deputies at our house. Two of them.

Ultimately, he was charged domestic assault. He was taken away to juvenile detention for safety. He was taken away in restraints and waist chains. We have been to court twice. Yesterday we were given 24 hours to find an attorney for him. Today, he didn’t contest the assault charge and has been held over for 14 days.

It was incredibly difficult for us to tell them that we would not take him home. It’s not safe. It’s not safe for us, our family and I would argue our community. Yesterday, the deputy who was transporting him, asked him if he wanted to talk to us for a couple of minutes before they went back to detention.

“No.” David replied quietly.

So the deputy put the handcuffs on him, buckled up the waist restraint, leaving enough in the back to use as a handle should it become necessary to physically handle our son. They put him in the back seat of the car and hauled him away.

All I really want to do is wrap my arms around him and tell him everything will be okay.

Jail is no place to treat the mentally ill for their conditions.

Update:

We will be back in court on April 4.

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He is not a yo-yo

He is not a yo-yo.

You know that right?

Yesterday he was granted an extension on his stay in the facility. This was done so that we could apply for therapeutic foster care.

Today, I guess that we were denied, though I am not entirely sure. What I do know is that I was told David is being discharged tomorrow. He is in, he is out, he is in, he is out. It’s not healthy for him to be jerked around like this, and in truth, it’s not healthy for the family.

He will get maybe 6 hours a week of mentor time and they said something about 6 overnights a month. I have asked for clarification, none has been forthcoming as of yet. It’s that yo-yo effect, consistency is what is necessary, not the illusion of consistency.

I swear, it’s like being in the movie Groundhog Day.

Cover of "Groundhog Day (15th Anniversary...

Cover via Amazon

So David is coming home to a minimum amount of support. He comes a place where he gets 24/7 support. I pray that we can maintain a successful stream of steady care for him, not stress his world or ours in ways that cause his violent tendencies to surface we will be okay. However; when he gets caught stealing and we confront him about that, it can cause his aggressive personality to show it’s face to the world.

At this point I don’t know what else to do.

While I would love to have him home permanently, without supports I don’t know how long it will last. When he steals things from the people in his life, he will be charged with theft. The same will occur if he assaults one of us, or anyone else, he will be charged.

Using the legal system to get him the help he needs goes against everything in my mind that tells me what is appropriate for a mentally ill child. Using the legal system in this way is a lot like playing with a yo-yo.

It’s going to be hit or miss as to whether or not it will be effective. We can only try. I expect that we will see stability for the first few weeks at least, after which, I pray we can continue to maintain stability for David . If you pray, and believe in the power of prayer, include our son and our family in your prayers.

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Second Guesses

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Port and lighthouse overnight storm with lightning in Port-la-Nouvelle ~ Maxime Raynal

It’s been a long day, and while my body is tired, I can’t turn off my brain.

Prison is no place to get mental health care.

See, This is the second time in a month we have had David’s time in the facility extended. While we both knew it was a possibility, I can’t help but feel that he is being let down. I mean, it’s a huge victory for him to continue where he is successful until we can get supports in place for him to come out of the facility, but it’s not easy. In hindsight, I really don’t think David will see it as a victory, at least not until many years down the road. But it is a victory for him. For his care.

It’s not easy to tell your child, “You can’t come home yet.” Even if they know and claim to understand the why of it. David understands that in order to be successful he needs supports.

I don’t know. Maybe it is just the Dad’s job to always strive for what’s best for his kids. David is safe, and that’s what matters.

The future is unknown. I don’t know how long it is going to take to get the supports necessary in place, but I do know that we aren’t giving up. We will continue to fight for what David needs in order for him to live a productive life outside of a facility. Because if we don’t, he will likely just end up in prison.

Prison is no place to get mental health care.

I have not talked with staff in the facility. They haven’t contacted me. I did talk briefly with his therapist today, but beyond that, nothing. To say that our relationship with the facility staff is contentious, would be an understatement. But, we will continue to work with them to provide David the best life possible until such time as he can leave the facility and enjoy success in whatever form it takes for him.

So I am left with Second Guesses. It’s not the first time. I am sure it won’t be the last.