Recently a picture that was posted in my Dad Blogger group on facebook triggered a memory from when David was very little. We didn’t know that he would eventually become our son. I was holding David, he had fallen asleep. Before I knew it, I was sleeping. I woke when he fussed. It is a precious memory for me, one that I cherish. It reminds me of how simple life was. Before mental health issues entered the picture. Before he began threatening violence against the family. I don’t know what is in store for my son. I wish that I did. I wish that I could see the future. But I can’t. What I do know. I love my son. I care very deeply about what he is dealing with, and wish that I could erase all of the bad things from his mental life. In the last few days,
I have some difficulties. I am so used to being up all night with him that even when he isn’t home, I can’t sleep. Odd, it even happens if I am staying in hotels. There, though, I invariably end up stripping the bed and sleeping on the couch in the room if there is one. When David was in placement for two years, I still had difficulties with sleeping at night. Sucks, wasting perfectly good sleep time by being awake. You know. When I was in the U.S. Army, i could fall asleep as quick as I could shut my truck down. A 15 minute snooze was like an hour or two of sleep. Not so much any more, and maybe that is starting to affect my health in different ways. Not sure. Ah well. Today is a good day. Tonight I will get to visit David. I miss him.
The on floor psychiatrist called me today. Which is normal for them. She said “David is so full of information, I never know what to believe. so I thought I would call and confirm a few things.” The biggest thing is that David claims to have broken out a bunch of windows on a couple of cars we own. Didn’t happen. David also claims that he has been very good until just this week. Ah well, the world he lives in must be a rosy place. So the doctor asked me about safety plans. Wanted to know if we had something set up for when he is discharged. So I explained about the pending bed, and upcoming court date. She recommended that we get him placed in a detention center until the bed is actually available. Because “while he is good here, we can’t know that he will be good