The answer should be yes. Not "how can I get my loved one help?"

Tag Archives: traumatic brain injury

the greatest treasure

David turned thirteen years old last Tuesday.  On July 28th, will be 11 years since his adoption was finalized.  How quickly the time goes.

For David’s birthday, we went out to the facility he lives in to visit him.  Most of the family went.  We arrived late Monday, spent Tuesday, Wednesday and part of Thursday visiting David.

He wasn’t with us all of the time, just in 2 or 3 hour spurts.  It was good to see him.  He has grown so tall.

The hard part wasn’t just in seeing him, it was the fear.  I could sense it in his siblings, though they all did their best to hide it.  I know Mom, I and Aunt all felt that fear.

Before we even arrived at the facility we had a plan in place to lock up all of our technology while David was with us.

Nothing like giving him a chance.

He is so polite.  He came to us the evening of his birthday, and everything was “yes, no, please and thank you.”  He was polite before, but not like this.

He brought his birthday present from the residence with him.  A football.  It was so neat to watch he and his sister play catch that evening.  When David was at home, she was a frequent target of his physical, emotional and mental attacks.

For his birthday, we gave him a guitar, amp, case, some picks and a warning that his being able to play it hinged on his behaviors.  Without positive behaviors, there is no guitar.  David seemed excited, at least as excited as he can be.

We gave him other things, but not for his birthday.  Things that he needs.  Shoes, clothes, and what not.

Wednesday, David joined us for lunch.  Never seen anyone eat so much peanut butter.  According to staff, that is normal for him.  He would eat peanut butter to the exclusion of everything else if they let him.

During those periods when David wasn’t with us, we scavenged for treasures in the second hand stores in the community where he lives.  So many treasures.  I think that the whole family will agree that the greatest treasure we received this week was the time with David.

Wednesday evening we watched movies with the kids.

Thursday, David came back for lunch.  He is in summer school, so everything was worked around that schedule.  That afternoon we met with the care team for the monthly update.  It was great to see faces and put them with the names and voices we have been hearing on the phone.  I reiterated our desire to have the least amount of medication possible for David.  Less is more.  So we are continuing to wean him off the medicines.  Nice to work with a psychiatrist who agrees with that concept and doesn’t just push more pills all of the time.

I explained to the kids during family therapy before we left to return home, prior to his placement in this facility, David had to go through a med wash about every 60 days.  He hasn’t had one med wash since he moved to the new facility.

Our stay with David was facilitated in part by the placement.  They have residential units for family.  we took up two units because of the size of our family.  The staff was incredibly supportive.  While I am frustrated with the idea of David being so far from home, I feel that we are blessed that he is in this facility.

a setup for failure?

There hasn’t been much to report in regards to David.  He has been doing well, and by all reports is working his program.  Yesterday we had an IEP for him in the morning, and then his monthly treatment plan meeting in the afternoon.  At the second meeting, David indicated that he had reached the next level in his program, Bronze III.  Which means he has been doing really well.

Then he said, “I have a feeling I will be dropping a level soon.”

Today I got a call.  Not that he has been dropped a level, but that he is on an aggression plan.

Evidently he hit his primary.

A toy went missing, and David admitted taking it.

He had his room stripped of everything except his bed, and his bedding.

He wanted to file a grievance, and when he wasn’t able to immediately do so, he got upset.  Staff was in the process of helping another resident, and other staff was setting out afternoon snacks.  David thought he wasn’t getting a snack since he was confined to his room for a brief period for the theft.

Since, they don’t deny food, his fear was groundless.  The grievance form was laid next to his plate, and he got upset because a pencil wasn’t available.  Since David had previously threatened to stab his teacher with a pencil, staff wanted David calmed down before they gave him a pencil.  So David was upset about that.

Now David is on the 24 hour aggression intervention.  As a result he can’t interact with his peers as a group, though he can interact with them one at a time.  As a result, tomorrow when they go to recreation at the UC, he will be working on his aggression plan.

I talked to David about setting himself up for failure.  We talked about him doing things to derail his success.

I am working on my thoughts regarding the monthly treatment plan meeting.  Look for another post soon.

Mark 1:11

I would say this applies to each of my kids.  But David, has needs beyond what our other kids do.

Reports for David have been great thus far at the new facility.  Does this mean that he is cured?

No.

Do I expect a cure?

No.

What I expect is for professionals to work with our son at the level that he needs, and right now, that is what the new facility is doing.  They hold him accountable for his actions, what he says, how he eats, everything.  The other really good thing, is the constant communication.  I hear from staff no less than twice a week.  His primary support person calls, his therapist calls, we have an IEP meeting coming up on Wednesday, which will be the second one, and we have a monthly staffing meeting regarding David.  In all meetings, David is included.

At this point, I am very pleased with the decision to move him there.

I miss him, everyday.  I want to hug him often.   It is a highlight of our day when he calls and talks to us.  We don’t force ourselves on him, we would rather our relationship occur with him at the pace that is comfortable for David.

Will he be coming home soon?  Not likely.  Time will tell.