The answer should be yes. Not "how can I get my loved one help?"

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He is not a yo-yo

He is not a yo-yo.

You know that right?

Yesterday he was granted an extension on his stay in the facility.  This was done so that we could apply for therapeutic foster care.

Today, I guess that we were denied, though I am not entirely sure.  What I do know is that I was told David is being discharged tomorrow.  He is in, he is out, he is in, he is out.  It’s not healthy for him to be jerked around like this, and in truth, it’s not healthy for the family.

He will get maybe 6 hours a week of mentor time and they said something about 6 overnights a month.  I have asked for clarification, none has been forthcoming as of yet.  It’s that yo-yo effect, consistency is what is necessary, not the illusion of consistency.

I swear, it’s like being in the movie Groundhog Day. 

Cover of "Groundhog Day (15th Anniversary...

Cover via Amazon

So David is coming home to a minimum amount of support.  He comes a place where he gets 24/7 support.  I pray that we can maintain a successful stream of steady care for him, not stress his world or ours in ways that cause his violent tendencies to surface we will be okay.  However; when he gets caught stealing and we confront him about that, it can cause his aggressive personality to show it’s face to the world.

At this point I don’t know what else to do.

While I would love to have him home permanently, without supports I don’t know how long it will last.  When he steals things from the people in his life, he will be charged with theft.  The same will occur if he assaults one of us, or anyone else, he will be charged.

Using the legal system to get him the help he needs goes against everything in my mind that tells me what is appropriate for a mentally ill child. Using the legal system in this way is a lot like playing with a yo-yo.

It’s going to be hit or miss as to whether or not it will be effective.  We can only try. I expect that we will see stability for the first few weeks at least, after which, I pray we can continue to maintain stability for David .  If you pray, and believe in the power of prayer, include our son and our family in your prayers.

 

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The Liability

Liability.

Dictionary.com defines it as:

noun, plural liabilities.
1.   liabilities.

  1. moneys owed; debts or pecuniary obligations (opposed to assets ).
  2. Accounting. liabilities as detailed on a balance sheet, especially in relation to assets and capital.
2.  something disadvantageous:

His lack of education is his biggest liability.

3.  Also,liableness. the state or quality of being liable:

When David is discharged in 48 hours, we may have a period where things are good.  Great even.  A period where there is no violence.  His previous history shows us that this won’t last.   So what do we do?
We are told that we need to call 911.  That is the extent of the safety plan at this point.
He will come out of a facility where he had 24/7 support to home where I can’t provide that level of care.
So knowing David like we know David.  When the volcano that is his temper erupts, who has liability?
He is bigger than he was 2 years ago when he was last discharged from care.  Child Protective Services told me I can’t use pressure point holds as a means of restraint.
Do I just let him do what ever he wants?   Let him steal from people and businesses?  Let him attack animals?  Because parenting this child will take every ounce of energy we have.
If he hurts me again, will that cause people to take notice?  I don’t want him to do so.  How about someone else in the family?  Or someone in the community?  Maybe if someone could tell me what magic needs to happen to get him the continued care that he needs, I’ll stop bothering people until the magic appears.  It’s not fair to David.  It’s for sure not fair to the rest of the family.
So when something horrific happens, who has liability?  He has already shown his propensity to use violence to get his way.
I pray that this time is different.

all the lies

4062bfa0a115ca5452472219bd9e04d9According to David, every one is lying.  The nurse staff who documented everything that came out of his mouth to the hospital social worker who made the complaint to CPS to the CPS worker who “asked if I wanted to live with an aunt.”

David claims that he never told them anything about me restraining him on the pavement.  He doesn’t know where that came from.

He also claims that it wasn’t his idea to stay with his aunt.

The sad reality?  Even the nursing staff knows and understands that he tells lies.  How come the hospital social worker and the CPS worker can’t see the same?

We have three social workers directly as members of David’s team, plus a psychiatrist, a psychologist and his education team.  One would think that the people should listen to the person who knows David the best from outside the family.  Our Care Coordinator has been awesome.  I keep apologizing for calling her so much, but she says that she is here to help especially in crisis situations, which this certainly qualifies as.

David doesn’t understand the consequences that come from lying to everyone.  He doesn’t understand the harm he is doing to himself, or the relationships of the people he wants desperately to trust him.

I don’t know what to do.  I don’t know what is going to happen next.  I don’t know what tomorrow will bring.

In the end, I explained to David that there are limited numbers of places that he can go to.  None of the options include staying with an aunt.