death Archives - Fighting for Answers

Houdini Part V. – a Six Year Update

Hard to believe it has been six years since I wrote the Houdini/Ronald McDonald posts. You can find the first in the series here. By and large I have been living life. In fact, most of the last six years are documented within the pages of this site. There has been a lot of advocacy work. Learning new things, adapting our parenting style to our sons needs. But life does move on.

Houdini – aka the birth father

In the time that has passed, we have lost the birth father. He died alone. There was no obituary. There was no funeral. It is a sad end to a life. Every life deserves to be celebrated. He was such a “bad” man that no one in the family even knew he died. He has been gone almost 18 months now, and I realize that I have no feelings one way or the other.

Thru the use of ancestry tools, I have tracked some of my bio siblings down. Well, not so much tracked, as that seems rather stalker-like. Let’s say we connected. Lost a couple of them to cancer. Discovered that the family genetics include abnormal liver function, which explains the abnormal liver panels I have had for most of my life. Beyond that, in regards to the birth family, there isn’t much else to say. I don’t have a picture of him, so will use the photo of Houdini instead.

The Uncle

The uncle that I wrote about, you know the one I helped put in jail. He was sick for most of the last five years. Pancreatic cancer because of Agent Orange. I spent as much time with him as I could the last months of his life. We were able to make amends, and apologize to each other for the things we did and didn’t do. It was healing. He passed on in November of 2017.

On being a grandparent

In December I became a grandfather for the first time. Cute little boy. I am not ready to share that part of life with anyone. He deserves as normal a life as he can have. But he is a cute little man who stole his grandpa’s heart.

Marriage and family

My wife and I are coming up on 24 years of marriage. Hard to believe, those two kids – a family. A life together.

I continue to be disabled. My body doesn’t cooperate for very long when I try to work, so I just do the advocacy work for the mental ill as much as I can. It’s not much, but it helps me to feel useful. It’s not the same as an actual job, in some ways it is much more draining, much more rewarding and it gives me purpose.

Words of Wisdom

I don’t have any words of wisdom to share. Mom and I are working on a relationship, and for the most part, it is going very well. We understand that we need time away from contact, and that a good thing for us is the distance between our homes. We talk often. I see her when I can, in fact, Dad and I surprised her for her recent birthday by driving up and having lunch with her and my sisters family. It was a very nice visit and day.

Until next time. I hope you have a great day. Try to mend relationships with family when you can. It’s worth it.

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It’s all fun and games–until someone dies

I’ve been reading about the new middle-school craze–the Choking Game, which involves strangling (one’s self or someone else). The goal is to produce the light-headed feeling that happens when oxygen to the brain is cut off and the “rush” that happens when the choke is released and the oxygen flows back in. As one who, over the course of many years in the martial arts, did plenty of choking (and was choked at least as often), I can say that there is a tiny bit of truth there–you do get a little light-headed before passing out, and you do get a rush when the blood comes back. But I was reminded of two movies that dealt with exactly the same search for a choke-induced high.

The movies I’m talking about are “Flatliners,” which starred Kiefer Sutherland, Julia Roberts, and Kevin Bacon, and “In the Realm of The Senses,” a Japanese movie that told the story of a couple of young lovers who choked each other in an attempt to heighten their orgasms. Things didn’t end well in either movie, and, as evidenced by nearly 90 child deaths over the past 15 years, they don’t end well in real life either.

As we all know, kids engage in all sorts of risk behavior. It’s a normal part of growing up. But there are ways to manage risk and we need to be teaching them to our kids from a very early age. Unfortunately, in the never-ending search for higher highs, kids have found all sorts of ways to use common household items to kill themselves. I’m talking about milk, cinnamon, ice, salt, marshmallows, and even water.

A disturbing article from US News and World Report that highlights a number of them.

Armin Brott

Dad of three, best-selling author, speaker, nationally syndicated columnist and radio host, Marine Corps vet, spokesperson, and, generally speaking, a pretty nice guy.

Website: http://www.dadsoup.com

Twitter: mrdad

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my friend – Stan

Stained glass at St John the Baptist’s Anglican Church http://www.stjohnsashfield.org.au, Ashfield, New South Wales. Illustrates Jesus’ description of himself “I am the Good Shepherd” (from the Gospel of John, chapter 10, verse 11). This version of the image shows the detail of his face. The memorial window is also captioned: “To the Glory of God and in Loving Memory of William Wright. Died 6th November, 1932. Aged 70 Yrs.” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My friend Stan could be difficult at times. Never was there a more self-deprecating man. On the other hand, his complete and utter faith that he would be greeted by Our Lord and Savior was refreshing, and I admit at first, off-putting.

We had a disagreement a few weeks ago over his job. He was obligated to report what he thought was a harmful environment for a student. But didn’t want to make the call. I told him that I wouldn’t speak to him again if he didn’t hold true to his ethics. He was afraid he would lose a friend.

In the end, he made the call. He learned that the family in question was already doing everything possible for their kids. He did his job and held true to his ethics.

The family he had to report was mine.

I still consider him a friend.

Stan passed away on Saturday, April 7th, 2012. He died alone at his house. Stan isn’t from the same town we are. He lived and worked here, but he called another town home. It was in that town where he died. Asthma can be a bitch. In the end, it took his life. I feared for a long time that Stan would take his own life, but in the end, I think that he felt it would go against God’s will to do so.

Stan and I had frequent conversations about our faith. I admit, in the beginning, I answered Stan’s questions with what I thought he wanted to hear. In a conversation last month though that changed. Stan knew. He called me on it.

He said, “The first time I asked you if you believed that Jesus Christ was our Lord and Savior, you told me what I wanted to hear. Now this time when I asked you, you told me what you believed. I am proud of you.”

Stan could always tell when someone was pulling his leg.

Stan was facing a tough time. He was at a point in his career where he was looking for a new adventure. He had talking to me about how hard it was going to be for him to say good bye to the kids in our school district.

Stan was the type of guy who would go to any length to defend his friends. I am proud to call him my friend. I am honored that he considered me his friend. I believe in my heart that he is at peace and greeting Our Lord and Savior with open arms.

We enjoyed having Stan visit us over the course of the four years he was in our lives. He ate many meals with our family and became a part of our family. It is with sadness that we say “Until we meet again…”

You will always have a place in our hearts Stan.

UPDATE

I posted a memories page with the thoughts and memories that people have shared with me about Stan. You can find it here.

Update 2. It has been a year since you left us Stan. I think of you often. Know that you are in our prayers.

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