The answer should be yes. Not "how can I get my loved one help?"

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End of Year Update

End of year update. – Things are still moving forward here.

There are quite a few things that I won’t write about that have happened, but here is an update.

In early December we asked to be referred to the Developmental Disabilities (DD) division.  In the midst of that, we spent a lot of time faxing back and forth different releases to ensure we had all of David’s most recent testing from Psychologists and Psychiatrists.  We met with some resistance, but in the end, we met with a DD eligibility worker.

Shortly before Christmas, we met with her again and formally applied for services.

Forty-eight hours later, he was approved for Case Management and a statewide referral was sent out for care, either group home or what.  A DD Program Manager was assigned.

In the middle of all of this, my health has taken a beating.  With the support of my doctor’s, I am on the mend, but am under strict orders to minimize stress.  Sadly, this means that we limit the amount of time with David.

Currently he is scheduled to be discharged on Jan 13, 2017.  Very little discharge planning beyond “he has to be sent home.”

I am not certain what will happen with DD services in our state’s current budget situation, but, hopefully, we can get supports.  I can not recreate the structure of the facility that he is in, when he comes home.  It’s just not possible.

At any rate, that’s all for now.

David claims that he wants to come home.  Past experience tells me that he just wants out of the facility.

Please, if you are of the mind to, pray for David.  Positive thoughts will work as well.

We have been hit with a number of winter storms, so in addition to my health, that has been a limiting factor in having David home.  We are following the road recommended by doctors.  It isn’t safe to bring David home.

Christmas

When he was home for Christmas, we had trouble with our home phone.

After we took David back to the facility on Christmas Eve, I had to go to the ER.  Some nitro, an EKG and chest x-ray later, they sent me home.

The next day, I discovered that the telephone was unplugged from the telephone jack.  In order to get to the jack, you had to move a piece of furniture.  No, the cats couldn’t have done it.  They don’t have thumbs.

Let’s hope that the DD system will better be able to help David be successful, stable and eventually as independent as his disability will allow him to be.

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Anxiety high, as we near discharge for David

Anxiety

In a little more than a month, David will return from his fifth placement in six years.  As a result, we are on edge.  Anxiety in people who are already in a heightened state of upset is not good. 

we hope and pray for peace for David, as he struggles with mental illness

We are told that things will be different this time.

By the admissions of the staff where he is, David needs constant redirects.

Last Spring, a psychologist associated with the agency diagnosed David with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder.  This is in addition to the Reactive Attachment, Severe Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Conduct Disorder that he already had.

The Specialist

So I arranged to see a specialist in August so we could get specific recommendations regarding future care planning for David.

Don’t live in the past

We aren’t supposed to live in the past where David tried to kill me.  Where David stole from everyone in the family and a couple of the neighbors.  We aren’t supposed to live in the past with the verbal abuse toward each of us.  The violent outbursts.  The lies to social workers that resulted in investigations from Children and Family Services.

So we prepare.  Unlike the last time he was discharged, we have more notice.  It’s not helping us with our anxiety.

We are supposed to do more home passes, more visits.  They are going to write down their tips for dealing with David when he needs redirection or is invading personal space.  Will that help our anxiety?

We are going against the recommendations of the specialist that we saw in August who said that David needs a supported living environment.  We are trying to apply for services in the Developmental Disabilities realm, but that takes time.

What is painfully clear is that when he comes home, he will not have the same level of services that he had last year when he was home.  We hope and pray that he has improved in his mental health.

I live with a couple of chronic health issues that are affected by stress.  Anxiety like this isn’t helping.

Prayers

We hope and pray that he doesn’t feel the need to steal everything from his siblings, mom or I.  or that he won’t try to kill me again.

Mostly, we hope and pray for peace for David, as he struggles with mental illness. He deserves a chance, but then, doesn’t the rest of the family deserves to feel safe.

so while we prepare for him to come home, we also are attempting to find more care for him.  As much as I want to believe that he has matured past his mental illness, I just don’t believe that it is possible or realistic.  Only time will tell.

For all of the families struggling with mental illness, a prayer for each of you.  That you may find and experience peace.

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National Adoption Month – A thank you

Adoption story – A thank you

All children deserve a forever family regardless of disability.

Readers may remember more than 4 years ago when I wrote about Ronald McDonald and Houdini.  That four post series is still among the more popular posts on this site.

My brother and I are adopted.  Our father, adopted us when I was 3 and my brother was 4.  In doing so, he gave us a chance at a normal life.  A chance.  Life has a strange way of showing you normal.

There are no regrets.  Every time I am in the city where dad lives, I make an effort to get together with him for coffee and conversation.

English: Pictograph/icon for child adoption. Č...

English: Pictograph/icon for child adoption. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Each time we are together, about once a month, I thank him for saving us.  For giving us his name. It’s a simple thing really.  He didn’t need to adopt us.  He did.  In the process he gave us his name, a grandmother, an Uncle and a sister – in the end, he gave us what I consider the greatest gift.  He told us the truth about our adoption.  He didn’t sugarcoat anything, he told it like it was.  Our biological father was not a good guy.

Given my health problems it would be nice to know more, but we don’t push.

Last year, I did trace that side of the family and connected with a sister.

Opening our hearts

When we adopted David, we gave him my dad’s first name as his middle name.  In honor of what dad did for me.  To celebrate a legacy of giving of ourselves more than expected when the person we give of ourselves to is not able to help themselves.  In truth, we had rough lives growing up, but I fear they would have been much, much harder if he hadn’t given us his love like he did.  There are no regrets in me for adopting David.  He is my son.

People often ask, “are all adopted kids like him?”

My answer?  “No.  No they are not.”

And then I add, “All children deserve a forever family regardless of disability.”

We wanted to continue a legacy of giving of oneself so that another might have a forever family.

Thank you

For Dad.  Thank you will never be enough.

For Mom.  Thank you for loving us so much that you let Dad adopt us.  You of all people could have said no.

For Houdini.  The one decent thing that I know of that you did in your 81+ years of life.  You let us go.  I am grateful for that.

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