Category Archives: Autism

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A new fear – Talking with dead friends

survival business as a special needs parent is hard stuffLast night was scary.  Not sure what happened exactly, but David is back in the hospital.

At 8pm, with his bedtime medicines he gets a snack.  He wanted oatmeal, instead I gave him a granola bar.

He said that he would hurt me if I didn’t give him the right snack.  He made a move to run, pushed our 8 foot long dining room table at me, pinching me into my chair.

I pushed back.  Then because I didn’t know what he was going to do, I picked him up, took him to the living room and said that if he wanted to go to the hospital that is what would happen.

He was ready to go in minutes.  Since we live an hour from the hospital, and the weather conditions were near blizzard like, I drove slowly.

David started turning the heat off and on, playing with the radio, rolling his window up and down, and then made the move.  He tried to grab the steering wheel while I was driving.  One of the vehicles he tried to crash us into was an ambulance.

I couldn’t both try to drive and keep him from taking the wheel, so I pulled off the road.

David was throwing things out the window, reaching over to turn off the van (something he did repeatedly).  I called 911 to request assistance.  Because we were in another county the call was transferred to another Sheriff office.  We waited on the side of the road for about an hour for the deputies.  By this time, David’s evening medicine was beginning to take affect.

So I asked him if I could drive the rest of the way into town.  I also asked about turning on the heat.  His reply, “Yes, and thank you for asking.”

David reported to me that he was seeing a dead friend of ours as well as our dog Brownie, who died more than a year ago.

David is most honest when he is in that stage where his medicine is just taking affect.

At the hospital, when the doctor asked him about what was going on, he told them the truth.  He wanted to crash the van. And that he was angry that he didn’t get the right snack.

This morning, David reportedly told the social worker that the dead friend and our dead dog were talking to him.  Telling him that some people need to be killed.

I am afraid.  Last night when he was trying to crash us, I knew real fear for the first time.  Having it reported that he is talking with dead people, scares me even more.

Now, there is a chance that David is telling stories. Something he is very good at doing, but there is also a chance that he isn’t.  That he really is conversing with the dead.  Or believes that he is.  I have seen and heard David carrying on conversations with people, when he and I are in the room alone, and the only ones home.

So now what do we do?  The hospital reported that it can sometimes take months to get a placement in a facility.  That they would help as much as they could, but sure couldn’t keep him in the mental health unit for a couple of months.

Up until 8pm last night, we had had a fairly good weekend.

I am bored and this is fun.

32-p1Today, I had the rare opportunity to have a frank talk with David.  We talked about everything from sunshine to cats.  We talked about his favorite movie, Heaven is for Real.

We talked about dogs, rain, basketball (though I am by no means knowledgeable) and we talked behaviors.

We talked about how he likes being at home.

When asked about being home, David candidly stated “I don’t think I am a home person, I don’t do very well here.”

I asked him if he thought a facility would be better, and he stated “I don’t like facilities because I can’t get my permit at 14.”

So we talked about behaviors and driving permits.

I explained that sometimes, behaviors limit the extracurricular activities that we enjoy.

He understands that.

I gradually turned the conversation back to behaviors.

I asked one very telling question, not expecting a response.  “Why do you do the things that you do?”

He said “because I am bored, and it is fun.”

I asked him to explain, and he said sometimes when he is bored, and there is nothing to do, he does things just because there is nothing else to do.  Like sports.

Not sure what that means, but it is telling where his is mentally.  How can hurting people that we are close to be fun?

So I talked about facilities.  He is aware that it is a possibility that he will end up in a facility.  His only concern is that he won’t get to see us.  He knows I submitted the paperwork, and that we have already received notification of denials from in-state facilities.  I explained that whether or not he gets placed is largely up to his behaviors.

We don’t expect perfection.  We expect him to try.  So he promised to try.

It is rare that I get to have any conversation with my son, even though we spend about 20 hours a day together.  He doesn’t sit still long enough to talk, and this morning he did.

At the end of the period when he began to get restless, I gave him a hug, thanked him for talking to me, and told him how much I loved him.  It was a rare moment when I actually believed him when he told me “I love you too Dad.”

Never take away hope.  There always is hope, if we don’t have it then what will the world be like?

Oh, I asked him if he sometimes sees people other than us in the room.  Yes. “But they don’t bother him.”

hmmm Toby you smell bad

Kill germsToby is our Pomeranian.  David decided that since Toby hadn’t had a haircut and bath recently that he would deodorize him.  So he sprayed him with a Lysol type spray.

So far the dog hasn’t gotten sick. And he did get a bath and hair cut this past weekend.

We have explained before that he can’t spray the dogs with anything.  Last time he was home, he sprayed two of our dogs with bug spray.   No explanation as to why.

Frustrating.  And we do have locks on the cupboards.  They aren’t even challenging to him anymore, he is an amateur locksmith.