Category Archives: behaivor issues

Happy One Year Placement Anniversary David

honesty doesnt make us bad parentsIronically, the day after we receive notice of denial of coverage of services for our son, is the anniversary of his placement at the current facility.  It has been one year since we placed David in a facility 500 miles from home.

Today, I am struggling with the stress of not knowing where we are at with my youngest son’s mental health treatment.  The denial of continued care is weighing heavily on my mind, and it will be Tuesday before I can file any appeals.

He deserves better than this from the system that is responsible in part for his care.  When we adopted him, he was ordered by the court to have complete state sponsored medical coverage until he turns 18.  This is Medicaid.

It isn’t safe for anyone for him to come home.  Even the staff that works with him day to day has said that.  A month ago, he was self-harming.  Cutting, and after they took the sharps away from him, he inserted his fingers into the wound on his knee and started pulling on it to make the wound larger.  Initially, he wouldn’t have needed stitches. The manic behaviours that he displays, the ceaseless energy – coupled with what changing facilities would do to his treatment plan… now is not the time for change.

As a father, I want to fix it and make it better.  I can’t do that, and while it isn’t my fault that the system is broken, I feel like a failure for not providing direct care for him.

Yesterday marks one year since he began his placement in the current facility.  The next closest facility that could take him if necessary is 700 miles away from our home, in Denver.  Like I said in a previous post, how does moving him further from family help him?

I am not looking for a debate about the ACA. I know what it is and isn’t doing for the people I know. It works for some, and doesn’t work for others.

About a month ago, I wrote a post “It’s not our fault.”  I guess I should go and read that one again.

I have this book that I am working through.  “Getting Your Joy Back” – I am going to read through parts of it again.  Need to find my joy.  And know in my heart that we are doing everything that we can for him.

update – positive news

teeter totter & swingsStaff called tonight.

David was in a good place to talk to me tonight.  When he is manic, it just isn’t a good idea.

 

David addressed his concerns.

  1. Doesn’t want to be there for another 6 months to a year.
  2. Thinks that he is being lied to.
  3. Doesn’t understand why we aren’t coming out for Christmas.
  4. Wants a Nintendo DS for Christmas.

 

 

 

In truth.  Before David can come home, not only does he need to work his treatment plan, but he also needs to avoid outbursts, and learn to identify when he is starting a manic episode if he can.

In addition to that, before he can come home, there needs to exist, a residence that is similar to the facility he is in currently.  One that will provide him a step-down or transition to home.  A place from where we can stage home visits.  Where he can eventually be returned to public school.  Which will also mean getting his home school district involved, and get them to a point where they are comfortable with him in their facility.  Let’s face it, if they aren’t comfortable with him being there, things are just going to go right back where they were.

I explained each of these things to him.  I also explained them to his staff.  His time there is determined by two things.  One which he can control to an extent, and one he can not.

In the coming months, I plan to approach my legislators to see if funding can be available to establish a residence hall in one of the facilities in our state for kids like David.  Kids who are out of state, in care, and need a facility from which to transition either home, or to a group home or less restrictive environment.

This is my mission in life.  We didn’t ask for him to be placed 500 miles from home.  He is there, because there were no other viable options.

upcoming visit to see our son for Christmas

Today, I leave for the community where our son is in a residential facility.

It is 500 miles each way.  10 hours by bus.  When you have an auto-immune illness the trip takes twice as long. Frequent breaks are needed.  Lots of rest periods.  If I drive, I take it in two days with a hotel stay each way.

In the end, it will be worth it.  This is the eleventh month of him being in this particular facility.  Every time we talk he mentions that he wants to come home.  While I wish that I could be bringing him home this trip, in reality that isn’t going to happen.  While he has made significant gains, it isn’t enough.  When the time comes, we will need a step-down facility.

A step-down facility is a transition between the current environment, and home.  An intermediate placement if you will.   If he comes close to home, then we can do home visits, and try to work him back into the school.

Because of the distance, my health, the kids in school and the weather, we have to visit him when we can.

With regret, mom and the other kids won’t be with me this trip.  I will be taking lots of photos of David.  He will get some Christmas presents this weekend.  The rest he will have to wait until closer to Christmas to open.

So with thoughts of safe travels, Christmas in New Orleans Squarewish me luck.  It is my belief that the trip will be without incident.  I hope my visits with David go well.

Honestly?  Going to see him, even though it is difficult to do, is so worth it.  I wish that we could afford to see him more frequently.  Mom and Aunt went to visit in October.  So we do get out there.  We have been there 4 times this year.  While it is a far cry from the weekly visits we had in the prior facility, it is better than nothing.

His behavior dictates the length of his stay.  Stability is the goal.