The answer should be yes. Not "how can I get my loved one help?"

Author Archives: David's Father

Birthday wishes for kindness

In the end, only kindness mattersSo many friends wished me a happy birthday. Thank you all. If you can read this, then know that I count you as a friend.

A couple of weeks ago a good friend passed away. Oren Miller was his name. He said that you can find Heaven where you look. Where you are. Google his name to see what I am talking about, I promise you will be enriched.

So I challenge each of you. Look at the world around you. Hug your kids if you have any. If you don’t have any, hug your partner/spouse, visit a friend. Above all, show kindness to others. It will be returned to you a hundredfold.

I love random acts of kindness. purchasing a coffee for the person behind me in line, a meal when I can afford one for someone else. All of these things can brighten the day of a stranger. You never know what that person is dealing with in their life. Your act of kindness might be the bright spot in their day.

You don’t have to spend a fortune. Donate a dollar.

Heck, hold the door for the next person entering a building. Greet them with a smile. If you are in traffic, let a car in to your lane if they are trying to enter traffic.

That greeter at Wal-Mart? I love to stop and visit with that person. They see more people in a day and week then most people will see in their life. And most of the time they have smiles on their faces.

Above all. Share a kindness with others. I promise it will be returned at some point.

Reactive Attachment Disorder – a diagnosis

Turns out, all this time I thought that David was diagnosed with RAD.  Nope.

Well he is now.  Frustrating when people remove and add diagnoses without letting the family know.

He has Autism, Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar, AdHd,  and quite a few others.  Reactive Attachment Disorder *RAD” is now one of his Axis I diagnoses.

Received a referral to a child therapist.

Received a referral to a Social Skills Play Group.

The psychiatrist said “boy, he does talk a lot… when did that start?”
My response was “he has been like this since the day he came home.

Follow up every 30 days for the next while.

One other thing of importance.  He is in the lower 18 percentile, for his weight.  this means that for his age and height, 82% of the population is more inline with the standard then he is.

oh and he is at risk of becoming a cutter.

Attention Seeking RAD

I tend to forget, and I shouldn’t.

Every action is designed to get attention.

Every behavior is designed to get attention.

I asked him this morning, “what do you gain from this behavior?”

His answer?  “I don’t know”

 

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I wish that he did.  I would much rather award positive behavior, than the negative that we have been seeing.  Still, everything considered he is doing better than before he went to the residential facility.  Of course, are are nearing the end of what is typically the honeymoon period.  His honeymoon typically lasts 6 weeks.

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Last night I was giving him his meds, he had a glass of water.  he acted like it was slipping out of his hand, water sloshing around, above the rim… nearly soaked my laptop.  So I called him on it.  Thus beginning an hour of negative behaviors.  All because I told him to set his water down and take a drink between pills.  This gave me time to move my laptop.

On the way to the kitchen, he “accidentally” poured his water all over the floor.

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I am going to try to ignore his behaviors.  Since he wants attention when he does these things.  It isn’t easy.  David and I spend as much as 10 hours a day together.  5 of which there is no one else around.  My health doesn’t give me a lot of energy to “play”.  I have been gradually letting him go for walks with the dogs.

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One other thing.  When he is called on his behavior he says things like “there is no need for retaliation.”

Or if I tell him to sit down, and then later ask him to do something he says “but you told me I had to sit down…”

Or if I tell him I am calling someone, like the doctor or his care coordinator, he asks if he can pack a bag, because he “knows that he is going to be placed in the hospital.”  If I call, it is because I need to arrange an appointment or something.  In case of the care coordinator, it is because I need to update her on how things are going.

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Seems to me that his life is worthy of a Shakespearean tragedy.

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honesty doesnt make us bad parentsIn the end, we love him, he is our son.  Not giving up.  Though he seems to think that we are giving up when we place him in a facility….  ah, life is such a tragedy.

I give him a hug.  I tell him how much he means to us.  That we love him.

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Oh my, we are late for his appointment… make everyday a good day.  Hug your loved ones.