Author Archives: David's Father

so why is it…

that when I ask him about his time with his mentor/he doesn’t want to talk.

Yet as soon as I start trying to have a conversation with his mother he has to talk, sing, be disruptive, anything to get the focus on him.

I took a toy away from him as a consequence, before he went with his mentor.  When we got home from town, he stole them back.

Now he is upset with me.  Because I told him he had to ask for them back.  He couldn’t just take them.

 

I feel sarcasm coming on, and that isn’t what is needed right now.

Frustrated.  He won’t listen unless it is just the two of us.  Do I have to leave the rest of the family, so that it is just him and I before he will listen to either of us?

I won’t.  When it was just him and I, he was very good, other than when he was sleeping, then it was like go a round with Tyson.

Believing in the reason of David

As we come up on the 12th anniversary of the finalization of David’s adoption into our family, I look back on our life with him.

From the first computer he ever worked on, a Compaq laptop running Windows 2000, to the many sleepless nights. I am struck by one inalienable concept.

We were brought into his life for a reason.  Whether you worship God, Mohammad, Mother Earth, Father Time or Purple paint… Our family was brought into his life for a reason, and the same works in reverse, he was brought to us for a reason.  He is our family.  Our son, our brother.  I can’t imagine what our lives would be like without David in them.

What is the reason?

Is it to teach us compassion for those with Mental Illness/Behavior Disorders?

Is it to teach us patience for those who are disabled?

Is it because we had been involved in his life before we even thought of adoption?

I don’t know.

I like to think that it is a combination of all of these things.  But I think that it is more.

During the time of our adoption of David, we prayed that he would be a good fit for our family.   I wonder if God brought us together because He knew that we would fight for David with everything that we are.  We would fight for the help and care that David needs.  That we would never give up the fight.

I think that it is bigger than that even.  David was brought into our lives so that we could help him, he could help us, and we could use this experience to help others like us.

Does that make sense?

As frustrated as I have been with the lack of care that he has received, and the amount of fight we have had to undergo, I am still satisfied that we did the right thing when we said yes that day our adoption case worker asked us if we wanted to adopt David.

Would we do it again if we knew then what we know now about David?

I think so.  Speaking as someone who is adopted, I can’t tell you how important it is to have a family.  A permanent family.  Having the number of step-dads that we did isn’t permanency.  I looked to my Uncle Larry and later my dad for that permanence.

Update — Differing Denial Letters From Ascend Management Innovations

I have been in contact with a director from Ascend Management Innovations regarding the different denial letters we received regarding David’s care.

Actually, I should qualify that.  They read my blog, and then contacted me through voicemail and a comment on the blog post directly.

According to the director I spoke with, a very pleasant lady who directly engaged me in conversation regarding this issue.  I forwarded an email copy of both denial letters to her.  She is going to look into what happened.  She did indicate that this is NOT standard practice for their company.

She also indicated that she only sees one denial letter.

So now we wait.

I am in the process of requesting a desk audit/appeal of the decision.  we have another 15 days to get that letter in to their desk review person.

In addition, we are developing a team approach to David.  Adding services as recommended (services that we have already tried) and ensuring that the therapists are properly documenting their notes regarding David’s care.

Getting Ascend to change their mind regarding David’s placement won’t get the bed back that we lost, but it should help get him authorization in a new facility once such a facility can be identified.  Our goal is to keep David as close to home as possible.  Sadly, the more time that passes, the further I feel he is going to be from home.