Working on getting David admitted to psych again. He is throwing up his meds, stealing and refusing meals. He has lost 5 pounds in the last week due to throwing up his meds.Tweet #fighting4answrs
Remember the story a few months ago about the 15-year old girl who was forced to get up in front of the whole school and announce that she was pregnant? Or the 14-year old boy whose parents forced him to stand on the street with a sign declaring that he’d receive Fs on his report card?
New research is just now confirming what most sane parents already knew: humiliating punishments actually do more harm than good. And that’s certainly the case with the newest entries into the “it-seemed-like-a-clever-idea-at-the-time” category of parental stupidity.
A teacher in Florida made students who arrived late to school wear a wide dog collar that she called the “cone of shame.” And we certainly don’t want to overlook the Minnesota parents who, upset about their 12-year old daughter’s school performance shaved her head and made her run around outside wearing a diaper. The mother and her boyfriend were apparently laughing when they got arrested–apparently they didn’t quite understand why the police had been called.
So, aside from being child abuse, what’s wrong with these punishments? According to Andy Grogan-Kaylor, an associate professor of social work at the University of Michigan, this kind of humiliation can make kids feel rejected by their parents and can lead to increased anxiety, depression, and aggressive behavior. It can also damage the parents’ relationship with their child and actually make the kids less likely to want to listen to their parents.
In addition, humiliating, embarrassing punishments can make a child stand out, which could make the child a target for bullies, says Jennifer Lansford, a research professor at Duke Univesity’s Center for Child and Family Policy.
A bit more on this story–as well as some tips for discipline techniques that might actually work–here.
David, demands attention. If you don’t give it to him, he will do something negative.
Yesterday a set of mom’s keys went missing. David cried about how he didn’t take them, and how we should believe him just this one time. I then went through his room. I found:
- My “Harley Fund” coin bank.
- Mom’s confirmation medallion.
- a check made out to his brother for five dollars from another person. (His brother’s name was crossed out, and David wrote his own name in its place.)
- food boxes and cans.
- a telephone
I didn’t find the keys.
Eventually, David said he would help look for them. I granted him amnesty if he would just give them back. All of a sudden he remembered seeing them in a clothes basket upstairs. So we went to see if they were there. Sure enough, buried under the clothes in the basket were the keys.
They magically appeared there, as David denies that he took them.
David then proceeded to blame everyone he could think of. I explained that the whole time he was gone to the residential facility, that nothing was stolen in our house.
“Oh, … well someone else took them. Not me.” was his response.Tweet #fighting4answrs