Category Archives: Health

Articles related to health are in this category. Articles may not be authored by a staff member of whynotfathers.com. Credit will be given where credit is due. If you see an article, that isn’t properly referenced, please send our admin an email with a link to the article, and the name of the original author.

At a loss, with tears rolling.

God-Grant-Me-the-Serenity-Black-Vinyl-Wall-Art-Quote-L12708112David is in crisis again.

While I know mentally that there is not a damn thing I can do about it, my heart is breaking because I can’t help him.

Tonight during staff transition, (between shifts), David started a rebellion.  Yes.  You read that correctly.

He got together with a couple peers and started a rebellion.

Eventually, over the course of the evening, David became violent.  So they put him in time out.

Then they had to restrain him to put him back on time out.

He was fighting that, and knocked a plate off a counter, which ended up in the time out room with him.  The plate was plastic.

He used the plate as a weapon and tried to attack staff.  He then started pounding on the window, which they said was some kind of plexi-glass.

So he broke the window.

Somehow he was cut.  Required 4 stitches in one knee and has numerous other cuts.   When you have zero body fat, even four stitches is significant.  He did work at making the wounds  he sustained or gave himself bigger.

And so the tears roll.  As much as I love the little guy, there is nothing I can do for him that they are not already doing.

My fear is that if he keeps doing the things that he is doing, he will end up moving some place further away.  Denver, Red Rock, Duluth, Iowa, Missouri, there are places, but they are much, much further away.

So tonight, because he self-harmed and was physically aggressive, he is on close watch.  He has had all personal items removed from his room.  He has to see staff to sign out clothing and what not.  He has to have someone watching him at all times, including while he is sleeping.

Tonight, they had the program director, the spiritual director, a couple of nurses, his primary, the lodge leader, and a couple of other people all trying to help our son through this crisis.

I am thankful for the staff that is with him.  I am thankful that he is as safe as we can make him without putting him in a straight-jacket.

My heart is breaking because I can’t help.  I can’t make things better.

I don’t know what to do.  Dad’s are supposed to be able to fix things.  I can’t fix this.  I can’t undo the damage caused by a selfish woman who did not think of her unborn child when she proceeded to get herself loaded up on drugs.

We are.

His.

Forever, Family.  Always.

David, you won’t read this.  But I hope that you know how much we love you and miss you.  You are never far from my thoughts and prayers.

I love you, son.
Dad.

It’s not our fault.

whoa! stop!Most of my readers know me from facebook.  I am in a number of groups there, and while I would love to list them all here, it would break some aspects of confidentiality for me to do so.

What I see most often in the groups that I am a part of is:  “part of this is my fault.  If I had done this, or that, he/she wouldn’t have had the meltdown.”  When you are dealing with a child that has a mental illness, things happen that are beyond our control.  Even if said child is biological rather than adopted.

I tell my readers here the same thing as what I tell those in my various groups.

“It is not our fault.”

Simply words really.  Unless you directly caused the trauma that made your child the way he or she is, it really is not your fault.  As a parent, we all establish rules and guidelines that we expect the people in our homes to follow.  This especially applies to our children.  Sure some of the rules are more fluid than others, but most are there for a reason.  To teach accountability, to accept accountability, and to ensure both safety and good health.

At it’s most basic any rule or guideline created would fall into those four areas.  Right?

Sleep.  – Be asleep by 8:30.  It may not ensure the good health of anyone but the parent, but all kids need sleep.  (even our son David who can stay awake for days on end.)

Food – Food is a necessary part of health.

Safety – Don’t run with scissors, knives or other sharps.

Homework – accountability – don’t do it?  fail a course.  fail enough courses, you don’t advance a grade with your peers.

You get the idea.  At a basic level most rules fall into those four areas.

Some rules also exist for the parents.  What do you suppose that those rules might be?  I am not talking about government regulations, as we all know that they exist and apply in all cases.  But there are other rules.

Can you care for your children if you are in poor health?

Can you care for your children if you are sick or in the hospital?

Can you provide for your children if the same applies?

Can you run your home in a structure environment that your  child will thrive in?  Like a prison?

Who would ultimately be responsible if your child hurt someone?  Sure the child would be punished, but how would you feel if your child hurt someone else?

David’s mom and I hold David accountable.  He is accountable for his behaviors.  In some ways that may not apply if he is in a manic state, but even then, he is still accountable.  For reasons of safety, both mine and the rest of the family, he is in residential placement.

It is a fact of reality in our world.  Do I wish that I could change it?  Hell yes, what parent wouldn’t want to take mental illness away from their child?  Hell, any illness.

By placing David in care, we aren’t giving up on him.  Far from it.  We are actively seeking any help that we can get for him.  Are there parents who place their children and then walk away?

Yes.

Are they bad people?  No.  At least I don’t think so.  I am not in their situation.

As I close this piece, remember one key thing.  Repeat it to yourself many times.

“It’s not our fault.”

update – positive news

teeter totter & swingsStaff called tonight.

David was in a good place to talk to me tonight.  When he is manic, it just isn’t a good idea.

 

David addressed his concerns.

  1. Doesn’t want to be there for another 6 months to a year.
  2. Thinks that he is being lied to.
  3. Doesn’t understand why we aren’t coming out for Christmas.
  4. Wants a Nintendo DS for Christmas.

 

 

 

In truth.  Before David can come home, not only does he need to work his treatment plan, but he also needs to avoid outbursts, and learn to identify when he is starting a manic episode if he can.

In addition to that, before he can come home, there needs to exist, a residence that is similar to the facility he is in currently.  One that will provide him a step-down or transition to home.  A place from where we can stage home visits.  Where he can eventually be returned to public school.  Which will also mean getting his home school district involved, and get them to a point where they are comfortable with him in their facility.  Let’s face it, if they aren’t comfortable with him being there, things are just going to go right back where they were.

I explained each of these things to him.  I also explained them to his staff.  His time there is determined by two things.  One which he can control to an extent, and one he can not.

In the coming months, I plan to approach my legislators to see if funding can be available to establish a residence hall in one of the facilities in our state for kids like David.  Kids who are out of state, in care, and need a facility from which to transition either home, or to a group home or less restrictive environment.

This is my mission in life.  We didn’t ask for him to be placed 500 miles from home.  He is there, because there were no other viable options.