The answer should be yes. Not "how can I get my loved one help?"

Category Archives: bipolar

every day. a struggle

WafflesI am exhausted.  Mentally.

he will push until I respond.  when I refuse to acknowledge him, he pushes harder.

When I snap and yell at him, he is happy.  Then he says, why are you yelling?  You shouldn’t yell like that dad, it’s not healthy.

So I tell him to sit and eat.

No.  Not hungry.

So I go to put his dishes in the sink, so I can wash them, since I am doing dishes anyway.  Now he is hungry.

If I move in any direction where he might be, he acts as if I am going to chase him.  If I am close to him, he acts like I am going to hit him.

You would think, I beat him severely.  I don’t.  Quite frankly, I don’t think that it would make any difference if I did.

It’s sad, I sit here with my headphones on, music on.  because he is trying to bait me, and I don’t want him to.  He gets up in my grill because he can’t find the remote.  The remote has a specific place in our living room.  He knows that, yet absolutely refuses to return it there when he gets done turning the channel.  So consequently, we all end up searching for it on a regular basis.

Is the frustration of my own making?

I could send him outside, and in reality, I should.  But then what would he get into?  Or should I leave him to his own devices, come what may?

He asked last night about me sending him to a care facility again.  I tell him that he controls whether or not he gets to stay home.  If his behaviors are largely positive, then he will stay.  The course of his life is determined by his behavior.  Sadly, by the next day he has forgotten all about that conversation and is back to the behaviors.  Yet the behaviors, while enough to make any person feel like they are losing their mind, aren’t bad enough to get him a placement.

If I take him to safe bed for behaviors, I worry that he will jump out of the vehicle.  It is a 90 mile drive to safe bed.  I can get the Sheriff to transport if necessary.

Until tomorrow, when we go through this again.

the storyteller

Vintage BooksDavid is gifted.

Gifted at telling stories, then when caught in a lie, he is gifted at changing the story to suit what ever is going on in his head.

When caught in a lie, he will turn and twist the story enough to make the listener doubt what they heard.

If this happens, you need to get him to stop talking, make sure that you write down the conversation as best you can remember, then ask him to confirm details.

David fails to realize that eventually the truth always comes out.

Why not just tell the truth to begin with?  I have no idea.

It gets more difficult to keep the story straight when details can be confirmed by calling the people he claims did things, or are doing things on his behalf.

So now we wait for confirmation.

Remember, you can only believe about 40% of what David says, and that is me being generous.

In the end, we talk about how it is easier to tell the truth from the beginning.  And he admits that he left his school binder in the van.

To me, it is not a big deal that he left the binder in the van.  The lesson that I wish that he would learn is that the truth is always best.  Always!

 

 

Held Hostage by Mental Illness

Some days, I feel like a hostage in my own home. Held hostage by mental illness.  366 - 350: You can't shut me up

Seriously.  David had a couple of really good days.  Mom took him into the city, he spent time with his favorite Aunt.  Life was good for him.

Then there are days like today.  If it isn’t his way, then he will hold the whole house hostage with his behaviors and tantrums.

Pretty sad day, when one of the boys leans over and asks me how long we have to deal with the behavior David exhibits before something can be done about it.

In reality, it will be a while.  Why?  Need documentation of his behaviors and mental health issues.

Facility staff.. If you are reading this, whether or not you ever worked with my son, it is imperative that you document – document – document, every behavior.  I know it feels like tedium at the end of a long shift, but it will be incredibly helpful to the patient, and their family.  Sugar coating things by leaving them our doesn’t help the patient or their families.

Sure, one could say that these things I am writing about are just negative or bad behaviors.  And in a way they would be correct.  But it is so much a component of his mental illness that we can understand why people think like this.

The other piece.  Paranoia.

David was interfering with my phone call tonight because he was afraid I was calling the Sheriff.

So for half an hour, every time I tried to dial out, he would do something to another phone extension in the house.  Once I got all of the other phones secured, it wasn’t difficult to make my phone call to his sister.  Sad reality, some days the paranoia overwhelms him.