The answer should be yes. Not "how can I get my loved one help?"

Category Archives: Autism

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At a loss, with tears rolling.

God-Grant-Me-the-Serenity-Black-Vinyl-Wall-Art-Quote-L12708112David is in crisis again.

While I know mentally that there is not a damn thing I can do about it, my heart is breaking because I can’t help him.

Tonight during staff transition, (between shifts), David started a rebellion.  Yes.  You read that correctly.

He got together with a couple peers and started a rebellion.

Eventually, over the course of the evening, David became violent.  So they put him in time out.

Then they had to restrain him to put him back on time out.

He was fighting that, and knocked a plate off a counter, which ended up in the time out room with him.  The plate was plastic.

He used the plate as a weapon and tried to attack staff.  He then started pounding on the window, which they said was some kind of plexi-glass.

So he broke the window.

Somehow he was cut.  Required 4 stitches in one knee and has numerous other cuts.   When you have zero body fat, even four stitches is significant.  He did work at making the wounds  he sustained or gave himself bigger.

And so the tears roll.  As much as I love the little guy, there is nothing I can do for him that they are not already doing.

My fear is that if he keeps doing the things that he is doing, he will end up moving some place further away.  Denver, Red Rock, Duluth, Iowa, Missouri, there are places, but they are much, much further away.

So tonight, because he self-harmed and was physically aggressive, he is on close watch.  He has had all personal items removed from his room.  He has to see staff to sign out clothing and what not.  He has to have someone watching him at all times, including while he is sleeping.

Tonight, they had the program director, the spiritual director, a couple of nurses, his primary, the lodge leader, and a couple of other people all trying to help our son through this crisis.

I am thankful for the staff that is with him.  I am thankful that he is as safe as we can make him without putting him in a straight-jacket.

My heart is breaking because I can’t help.  I can’t make things better.

I don’t know what to do.  Dad’s are supposed to be able to fix things.  I can’t fix this.  I can’t undo the damage caused by a selfish woman who did not think of her unborn child when she proceeded to get herself loaded up on drugs.

We are.

His.

Forever, Family.  Always.

David, you won’t read this.  But I hope that you know how much we love you and miss you.  You are never far from my thoughts and prayers.

I love you, son.
Dad.

update – positive news

teeter totter & swingsStaff called tonight.

David was in a good place to talk to me tonight.  When he is manic, it just isn’t a good idea.

 

David addressed his concerns.

  1. Doesn’t want to be there for another 6 months to a year.
  2. Thinks that he is being lied to.
  3. Doesn’t understand why we aren’t coming out for Christmas.
  4. Wants a Nintendo DS for Christmas.

 

 

 

In truth.  Before David can come home, not only does he need to work his treatment plan, but he also needs to avoid outbursts, and learn to identify when he is starting a manic episode if he can.

In addition to that, before he can come home, there needs to exist, a residence that is similar to the facility he is in currently.  One that will provide him a step-down or transition to home.  A place from where we can stage home visits.  Where he can eventually be returned to public school.  Which will also mean getting his home school district involved, and get them to a point where they are comfortable with him in their facility.  Let’s face it, if they aren’t comfortable with him being there, things are just going to go right back where they were.

I explained each of these things to him.  I also explained them to his staff.  His time there is determined by two things.  One which he can control to an extent, and one he can not.

In the coming months, I plan to approach my legislators to see if funding can be available to establish a residence hall in one of the facilities in our state for kids like David.  Kids who are out of state, in care, and need a facility from which to transition either home, or to a group home or less restrictive environment.

This is my mission in life.  We didn’t ask for him to be placed 500 miles from home.  He is there, because there were no other viable options.

updates. the weekly call

So I get called every Friday night.  at 10:30.  I asked for it to be that late in the day.

It is just me.  Every one else is asleep.  I can talk freely about David, his week, his needs and make recommendations for the staff.

Last week, David called and told us about this girl who he thinks has a crush on him.  He wanted to know what I thought he should do.  So I explained.

  1. It is ok for a girl to like you.
  2. It is ok for you to like a girl.
  3. It is probably against the rules in your facility for you to have a girlfriend.

So this week, during the report, he primary said that he is different this week than they have ever seen.  Not asking for snack, not eating his favorite snack.  Appearing sullen and withdrawn.  And the staff thought that they heard David in his room crying.

Wanted to know what I thought was going on.

My very first thought.  “The girl told him to leave her alone or something.  Something happened that wasn’t what he expected.”

He is 13 people.  He has hormones. No one's gonna love you

So tomorrow, my assignment is to call and talk to him about this.   Unrequited love. I am not certain that this is what is going on with him, but I believe in my heart that I am right.  I would never want to go through puberty a second time.  No way!

Just because he doesn’t attach to family.  Develop a bond with family, love his family, doesn’t mean that he is incapable of loving someone else.  He might not understand how he is feeling, or what he is feeling.  Doesn’t make how he feels any less valid.