The answer should be yes. Not "how can I get my loved one help?"

Category Archives: frustrated

A sad reality – restraint of a mentally ill child

It’s a sad reality.  Our son David is mentally ill.

I know it’s been a while since I last posted.  So much has happened.

On Feb 3, as I was driving into the city for a medical appointment, I received a call from the facility where David was.

“If you don’t come and get him by 1pm, you will be charged with abandonment.”  said the Clinical Director.

I tried to explain that I was on my way to a medical appointment, 100 miles south of the facility. I explained that I had made arrangements to pick him up at 4pm.  Not good enough.

I was given the ultimatum, either pick up your son by 1pm, or be charged.  As a result, I cancelled my appointment, turned around and went to pick him up.

You see, he is well.  Or so they believed.  That’s why his peers want to kill him.

That’s also why his school wants him to be escorted from one class to the next.

Things happened that I can’t talk about yet.

Except the most recent event.  We began to notice a decline in his mental state.   He was refusing to cooperate, refusing to go to class, many many things.  This weekend, things came to a head.
On Monday, he spent nearly 4 hours at school sitting in a room staring at the wall.  Absolutely refusing to do anything.  He didn’t talk, he didn’t eat, he didn’t use the bathroom.  When he got home, he had a snack and we talked about his day.  He was fairly calm.

Suppertime.  We had Mexican food.  Something he loves.

He refused to eat it.  Wanted breakfast cereal.  We try to remain consistent as much as possible so told him either he eats what we made, or he doesn’t eat supper.    He left the table.

We didn’t push it.  A bit later, he became argumentative over the word please.  “You don’t say please,” he stated.

So we started saying please.  He didn’t like that.

He brings home a daily report card from school.  As the evening progressed, and began to decline in mental state, he stood up, shredded that paper and threw it all over the living room.

Mom stood up, approached him, and asked him “Please, pick up all of this paper.”

He was about two feet from her.  Punched her in the chest hard enough to rock her back a step.  He then tore off and went outside.

As I followed at a small distance, he began screaming racial slurs at me.  We don’t speak like he was speaking, and we don’t allow him to either.  He said “keep your nigger bitch away from me.”  and a bit later “keep your fat nigger ass away before I kick it.”

We find the N word to be derogatory.  I don’t like it.  Mom and I are Caucasians.

It was not our son that was screaming those words.  I don’t know who it was.

So we followed the care plan. We called 911.  Within minutes we had Deputies at our house.  Two of them.

Ultimately, he was charged domestic assault.  He was taken away to juvenile detention for safety.  He was taken away in restraints and waist chains. We have been to court twice.  Yesterday we were given 24 hours to find an attorney for him.  Today, he didn’t contest the assault charge and has been held over for 14 days.

It was incredibly difficult for us to tell them that we would not take him home.  It’s not safe.  It’s not safe for us, our family and I would argue our community. Yesterday, the deputy who was transporting him, asked him if he wanted to talk to us for a couple of minutes before they went back to detention.

“No.”  David replied quietly.

So the deputy put the handcuffs on him, buckled up the waist restraint, leaving enough in the back to use as a handle should it become necessary to physically handle our son. They put him in the back seat of the car and hauled him away.

All I really want to do is wrap my arms around him and tell him everything will be okay.

Jail is no place to treat the mentally ill for their conditions.

Update:

We will be back in court on April 4.

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Frustration, Frustration, Frustration ahead.

Joel Osteen Being frustrated, wondering when things are going to change isn't going to make it happen any faster. Be happy right where you areI am frustrated.

Well beyond frustrated, and I am trying to work through it.

What it amounts to is this.

We are trying to get David services.  So the facility that he was in two and a half years ago was approached.  Again.  We are trying to get them to rethink their denial.

At any rate.

The basic reason that they won’t accept him for care?

Blame the parents.  We aren’t doing enough.  When he was there two years ago, we didn’t do enough.  We didn’t participate in family therapy.  We didn’t do this, we didn’t do that.

After all of that was refuted, they blamed David.  Said it was because he was too aggressive.  That he didn’t do this therapy or that.

Again we refuted their blame.

Will this result in a bed?  I don’t know.

What I would like to do is for someone to make me a list of all of the things that I am supposed to do.  I will have each item checked off and signed off by whomever at whatever agency or facility indicating that the item was completed.  When the list is finished, maybe we can get on with providing David the services and care he needs.

Why do people always blame the parents?

Sure there are times it is the fault of the parents, but I assure you, this is not one of those times.

I am not looking for a magic cure.  I know that isn’t a realistic option.  But dammit, doesn’t anyone hold themselves accountable?

Sure we didn’t do the family therapy at this facility. Why?  Because it was scheduled at 9am most of the time, a time when mom and the rest of the kids were all in school or at work.  Am I supposed to disrupt every aspect of life because the facility can’t provide services when it is convenient for a family coming from an hour away?

Today I learned that some important people involved in David’s case made an appeal directly to the facility in question.  This shouldn’t be necessary.  yet it is.

So I ask this question.

What does the average parent do that doesn’t have a voice?  That doesn’t know to call and annoy the hell out of people to get help for their child?  That doesn’t have a blog like this one to write about the foibles and misadventures of navigating a mental health care system that can drive the sanest person mad with anger?

I don’t know what to do.  What I do know is that I don’t want my family to become statistics on the evening news because someone doesn’t want to do their job.

Tomorrow I will sign more releases of information forms at agencies that already have releases on file so that records can be sent to people who should already have said records but don’t because some people don’t want to do the work.

I am frustrated.  Maybe the time is now to explore legal options to get agencies to help.

we have tried…

We have tried inpatient, we have tried long term psychiatric care, we have tried therapists, counselors, social workers, child psychiatrists, child psychologists. We have tried law enforcement. we have tried…. there isn’t much that we haven’t tried. We have tried different ones of each thinking it might have been a personality issue. He did well in long term care, until Medicaid decided that he wasn’t making enough progress and sent him home.

And when they discharged him from the facility in January, no after care was planned, no follow up contact was done.  Nothing.  If it wasn’t for the work that we did, and one of our best case managers that we could ever hope to work with, we wouldn’t have as much as we do now for services.  Three months later, we are still working on getting things into place.


So yes, we have tried.