Category Archives: advocate

Against Medical Advice

Against Medical Advice.

It’s been two years since this happened. Two years ago he was discharged against medical advice, 

The only thing bad about mental health is the way we treat those who have mental illness.

David was discharged from the facility in another state because the insurance people who create the Certificate of Need decided that he wasn’t making any progress and needed to go home.

This week, he will be discharged from a different facility.  Not because of the Certificate of Need.  But because the facility says he doesn’t need support and should be sent home.  How can David continue to see the successes he has seen in care if he comes home to no support?  Even David recognizes that he needs support.

I don’t understand how so few can over power the recommendations of so many doctors.

Bad Parent

I am a bad parent.  It’s a title my wife and I wear with honor.

What makes us bad parents?  We are fighting for the 24/7 supports that 3/4 medical professionals say he needs.  The people who provide said supports and the funding to pay for them have chosen to listen to the one psychologist who says he doesn’t need support.  It’s not easy for us to fight to keep OUR SON in care.  But we will fight for the care he needs.

So we are looking at a discharge against medical advice.

How we treat the mentally ill

Now, I am going to make a general statement.  If David had cancer and I decided to pull him out against medical advice, I would be facing the fight of my life and his to make that happen.  There would be no question about it.  So.  Why is mental illness treated differently?  David doesn’t have cancer.  He does have mental illness.  I am not saying it’s worse than cancer.  I am saying that like cancer, mental illness needs appropriate treatment by qualified personnel.

The future

In the end we are left with few options.  David will come home.  Things will be good for a week or two or six.  Then his world will fall in on itself and we will be right back where he was two years ago.  Violent. Stealing. Aggressive. Narcissistic.  David will be 16 this summer.  Some of the things he has tried and done in the past could land him in adult court.  Prison is no place to get mental health care.

 

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The Hard Decision

I title this post “The Hard Decision” because we have had to make a difficult decision.

We made the decision to not bring David home on pass.

An expert in David’s disorder has recommended for safety reasons that David not come home.

So we have made the decision to refuse passes.  At 15, as much as the facility would try to have us believe otherwise, David just doesn’t care.

I doubt that anyone at the facility has any idea just how difficult it is to do something like this.  We have anguished about this decision since the recommendation first came from the doctor.  If David was the only one we were concerned about, it would be a no-brainer to us, and we would bring him home all the time on pass.  But without support at home, we just can’t put everyone at risk that way.

Put aside your fear

We were told to put aside our fear.

My question is this:  How?

How do I forget him trying to beat me with a shovel?  When will I forget him trying to crash the vehicle we were driving in because he was angry?  How do I forget that he admittedly tried to kill our family pets, and those of his respite provider?

Can you forget? 

I don’t honestly know what is going to happen when he is discharged.  We are working on a plan of some kind, but I can’t share that here yet.

It’s not a simple thing to say no to a loved one, especially over the holidays, when we are all about family.

It is also incredibly easy for the facility to blame his behaviors on us not bringing him home on pass.  If only that was the whole reason for him to behave this way.  If that was the answer, don’t you think we would bend over backwards to keep him out of care?

We did that for the first 10 years of his life. For us, it’s a multifaceted reason.  His mental health, his disability, my health, the mental health of the rest of the family, and so much more.  Putting ideas into his head will not help him get better.

Where will you be?

I get that it is your job to advocate for him.  What do you think my role is?  We are both working toward the same goal, but remember, long after you have left the team, I will still be his father.  I will still be fighting for him and what is best for him.  Where will you be?

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Admitting the horror

It has come to our attention that David has admitted to trying to kill animals with his hands, and with chemicals. I don’t fault David for admitting the horror that he has tried.  I don’t fault him for it, it is a symptom of his mental illnesses.

Last year he attacked me more than once and tried to crash our vehicle when we were doing a transport of him to the mental health unit at the hospital.  Given that he has admitted these things, and our family has experienced the things that we have from him, why would I just bring him home?

He is my son.  And I love him.  But.

But he is not the only person to take into consideration.  Would it not be considered neglect or abuse to subject the rest of the family to a threat of harm from David?  He has shown the propensity to attack in the past, I don’t think for a minute that he is cured either minimally or substantially.

I can’t.  I will argue long and hard to keep him in  care.  As much as reunification should happen, without the support he is receiving in the facility, at home, I just think that this will be a setback for the whole family, most of all it will be a setback for David.  How is that fair?  Granted, life isn’t fair.

This isn’t the first time that I have thought this.  The thought that discharge home would be a setback.  I have thought that a number of times over the last 6 years.

So where does this leave us?  Potentially, his mom’s teaching license could be in jeopardy.  If we are charged with abandonment or something like that for not bringing him home, it could jeopardize her license.  On the other hand, David’s story telling about things that he hears and then internalizes as something that happened in our home could be detrimental as well.

An argument could be made that he was telling stories about trying to kill dogs and rabbits, if not for the fact that people have made allegations about him trying to kill their animals before.  Plus, we had long known that he tried to poison our dogs, but could never get him to admit it.

It scares me what the future means for David.  How do we as a family get past this fear or horror and bring this child we love back home?  Is it even possible?  It goes beyond the needs of one child.

I was leery about writing about his admission regarding the animals and his attempts to kill them.  We do not know if he has ever been successful in doing so.  In the end, I decided that awareness of mental health and the issues that families face was more important.

We are begging for help.  In the coming week, I will have the opportunity to speak with our state legislature’s Interim Human Services Committee.  I hope that they listen.

 

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