I title this post “The Hard Decision” because we have had to make a difficult decision.
We made the decision to not bring David home on pass.
An expert in David’s disorder has recommended for safety reasons that David not come home.
So we have made the decision to refuse passes. At 15, as much as the facility would try to have us believe otherwise, David just doesn’t care.
I doubt that anyone at the facility has any idea just how difficult it is to do something like this. We have anguished about this decision since the recommendation first came from the doctor. If David was the only one we were concerned about, it would be a no-brainer to us, and we would bring him home all the time on pass. But without support at home, we just can’t put everyone at risk that way.
Put aside your fear
We were told to put aside our fear.
My question is this: How?
How do I forget him trying to beat me with a shovel? When will I forget him trying to crash the vehicle we were driving in because he was angry? How do I forget that he admittedly tried to kill our family pets, and those of his respite provider?
Can you forget?
I don’t honestly know what is going to happen when he is discharged. We are working on a plan of some kind, but I can’t share that here yet.
It’s not a simple thing to say no to a loved one, especially over the holidays, when we are all about family.
It is also incredibly easy for the facility to blame his behaviors on us not bringing him home on pass. If only that was the whole reason for him to behave this way. If that was the answer, don’t you think we would bend over backwards to keep him out of care?
We did that for the first 10 years of his life. For us, it’s a multifaceted reason. His mental health, his disability, my health, the mental health of the rest of the family, and so much more. Putting ideas into his head will not help him get better.
Where will you be?
I get that it is your job to advocate for him. What do you think my role is? We are both working toward the same goal, but remember, long after you have left the team, I will still be his father. I will still be fighting for him and what is best for him. Where will you be?