Dad,
It’s okay to be angry.
Just wanted to take a few minutes and tell you something.
You are in a place that is not what you are used to. It isn’t your home. It isn’t the life that you remember.
The sad thing Dad? Most days, nothing about that day is the life that you remember. Your mind is playing tricks on you. It lets you see what it wants you to see.
Your mind lets you forget things that are important to you.
Conversations to remember.
What I like is the conversations that we share.
I’d like to hear about that John Deere Propane, you remember? the one that you put standard tractor tires on…
Or Lance. Your favorite horse.
About the flooding of the creek near the home place. The one you drove thru where the water was deep enough that you could reach out the window and touch it.
Be Angry.
It’s okay to be angry Dad. Be angry at me, not the staff in the nursing home.
I know it’s hard on you. If there was a way to ease your pain, I would. If I knew that you would be safe in your own home, in your own bed, I’d bend every corner, turn every mile to make that happen. But. You aren’t safe. Are you. I think that if you were able to keep your thoughts organized from day to day, you would agree with me.
I love you Dad.
I am only doing what I believe in my heart to be best for you.
You know what? It’s okay to be angry. I know that the anger is you railing at the unfairness of the condition that is robbing you of what you need most, of what makes you the person that you are.
The person you are, no matter what memory is robbed from you is a good person Dad. It is my honor to call you my father.
I can’t say these things to you in person. That’s not who you and I are. But deep in my heart, I know that you know these words, are true.
All my love, your son.
Carl
