Where is the failure? Thoughts on FASD

A year ago, David was diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD). It’s a developmental disorder he was born with because of the birth mom’s drug and alcohol usage during the pregnancy. If he had been diagnosed before age 3, he would have DD services. Right now, because he didn’t have that diagnosis, he doesn’t qualify. It is their belief that he is capable of being entirely self-sufficient. and he isn’t. He may be 16 physically, but he is about 6 or 7 in most ways, and 8 or 9 in others. In every other way, he qualifies for DD services. Except, depending on the day and his affect, his IQ scores too high. I make the argument that an IQ score alone doesn’t indicate self-sufficiency.

FASD

Initially, for the first 9 years, we fought to keep things “normal” for him, which meant that while we saw doctors, we did everything at home. Right up until he started increasing the level of violence toward others. In my mind, that includes everything that has happened. This blog was started about that time. So there is a complete history of our time, my thoughts and everything else since then written in these pages. All of the struggles, all of the heartache, both for David and the rest of the family.

as a result, we subjected the rest of the family, and David to so my more than they needed to experience. So I am left wondering, did we fail the rest of the kids? did we fail David?

All I can do, is attempt to make life better.

As a dad, for a long time, I saw my role as the fixer. I can’t fix what is wrong with David. I wish I could fix what is wrong with the system. It has cost me my health.

Do it again?

People ask me, “if you knew then, what you know now, what you know now, would you still adopt?”

Yes. Why? Because his life, and thus our life would be entirely different. He would have had support at home. We would have had support at home. Is it our failure for not fighting harder for services? We adopted him locally.

David deserves better. All kids deserve better.

Better

In my mind, FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders) are the most preventable Developmental Disorder known to health science. It takes so little to prevent this condition. All the mom has to do if she is trying to get pregnant, is pregnant or even THINKS she is pregnant, is stop doing the drugs, stop drinking, and get prenatal care. David will have to live with what his birth mom did to satisfy her own selfish cravings.

Yes, I understand that addiction is very difficult to live with.