Monthly Archives: November 2016

National Adoption Month – A thank you

Adoption story – A thank you

All children deserve a forever family regardless of disability.

Readers may remember more than 4 years ago when I wrote about Ronald McDonald and Houdini.  That four post series is still among the more popular posts on this site.

My brother and I are adopted.  Our father, adopted us when I was 3 and my brother was 4.  In doing so, he gave us a chance at a normal life.  A chance.  Life has a strange way of showing you normal.

There are no regrets.  Every time I am in the city where dad lives, I make an effort to get together with him for coffee and conversation.

English: Pictograph/icon for child adoption. Č...

English: Pictograph/icon for child adoption. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Each time we are together, about once a month, I thank him for saving us.  For giving us his name. It’s a simple thing really.  He didn’t need to adopt us.  He did.  In the process he gave us his name, a grandmother, an Uncle and a sister – in the end, he gave us what I consider the greatest gift.  He told us the truth about our adoption.  He didn’t sugarcoat anything, he told it like it was.  Our biological father was not a good guy.

Given my health problems it would be nice to know more, but we don’t push.

Last year, I did trace that side of the family and connected with a sister.

Opening our hearts

When we adopted David, we gave him my dad’s first name as his middle name.  In honor of what dad did for me.  To celebrate a legacy of giving of ourselves more than expected when the person we give of ourselves to is not able to help themselves.  In truth, we had rough lives growing up, but I fear they would have been much, much harder if he hadn’t given us his love like he did.  There are no regrets in me for adopting David.  He is my son.

People often ask, “are all adopted kids like him?”

My answer?  “No.  No they are not.”

And then I add, “All children deserve a forever family regardless of disability.”

We wanted to continue a legacy of giving of oneself so that another might have a forever family.

Thank you

For Dad.  Thank you will never be enough.

For Mom.  Thank you for loving us so much that you let Dad adopt us.  You of all people could have said no.

For Houdini.  The one decent thing that I know of that you did in your 81+ years of life.  You let us go.  I am grateful for that.

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SMI and the Tragedy of Adulthood

SMI – Serious Mental Illness

The National Survey on Drug Use and Health  (NSDUH), which defines SMI (Serious Mental Illness) as:

Rethink Mental Illness

Rethink Mental Illness (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So, what does this have to do with David?

David came to us when he was 18 months old.  We became his parents, legally, 6 months later.  In truth, since he was just months old, he has been a part of our lives.  Mom had a home daycare.  And we filled in as needed for his foster family‘s day care provider.

David is 15 now, in the blink of an eye, he will be 21 years old.  What happens to his care then?

This is the tragedy of adulthood for someone with a Serious Mental Illness.  Without the appropriate diagnosis, all care basically ends, regardless of what his actual needs are.  Unless two conditions are met.

Conditions

  1. Appropriate diagnosis.  –  something like Schizoeffective Disorder.  Each diagnosis that David has currently isn’t enough by themselves to get him continued care after he reaches 21.  Together they aren’t enough.  He has to have the right diagnosis.
  2. Jail/Prison.  He can receive mental health care that he needs, in prison.

111What kind of life is that?  With basic care, staff and supports, there is, I believe, a huge potential for him to lead a productive life.

Now, I caution my readers, his productive life isn’t going to be the same as yours or mine.  For him, it might be as simple as getting out of bed each day and playing video games. But if that keeps him and others safe, that’s okay.  It could be that he does something else.  The key here is safety and out of prison.

So again, how does this help him?  How does this help any adult who struggle with Serious Mental Illness?

 

 

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Race Conversations

The Race Conversation

President Lyndon B. Johnson signs the 1964 Civ...

President Lyndon B. Johnson signs the 1964 Civil Rights Act as Martin Luther King, Jr., and others, look on. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This isn’t a Black Lives Matter post, yet it is.  Does that make sense?

Today, we had a meeting with David at his school because he got caught hacking the school network and surfing pornography during class time.  His punishment is loss of technology privileges for the rest of the semester. In addition he has two days of in school suspension.  The suspension has to be successful without redirects from the school principal.  He will have redirects from the teacher, this is a given, but if the principal gets involved, then his day in suspension won’t count.  Make sense?

I have no issues with that.  All of this is merely the setup for the conversation I had to have with him.

The Conversation

David wasn’t expecting to see me today.  I happened to be in the city near his facility and school, so stopped to see him and talk to the staff.

We pulled David into the office, we didn’t add to his punishment.

Where I started our conversation was with the basics of what a computer crime is.  Because hacking the school network like he did is a crime.  He could be cited for that by law enforcement.  The school is not doing that at this point.

We talked about race.  David is African-American.

I explained that he needed to be better.  There are people in the world who might see him as a criminal and put him in jail for a long time in part because of his race.  Also, there are people who wouldn’t think twice about hurting him for that same fact.  He will have to be extra careful to stay out of trouble simply because of his race.  If he is told to stop, he needs to stop.

During the conversation, the principal interjected comments, and I made sure to note that the school isn’t going to cause him problems because of his race, and that he should talk to other African-American staff members to get their outlook and opinion.

In truth, he could live his whole life and never have issues because of his race.  But it is something he definitely needs to be aware of.

We explained to him that we see David the person, not David the African-American.  Not everyone will see him that same way.

Race Matters

David is the only member of our family who is African-American.  Growing up, my dad was married to a Native American.  I am aware of racial undertones.  Not as aware as someone who is African-American or Native American, but my worry is ever present.

I also talked with David about his adoption.  He has always known that he is adopted.  As he gets older, he will have questions about that.  He understands that he can come to me with questions.  As an adoptee, I understand what he will go through and the questions that he will have.

I pray that he never needs to worry about his race.  He needs to be aware of the world today.  And I find that incredibly sad. Reality shows us something entirely different and that he needs to be aware of the realities of life.

Was I wrong for saying something?  His life matters.  All lives matter.  We have come so far since the Civil War, yet we have so much further to go.  I don’t pretend to know what it is to be African-American.  My fear is that one day, I’ll answer the door only to be told that my son refused to respond to commands and was killed.  Or that he committed some crime and is now on his way to jail.

We continue to hold him accountable for his behaviors.

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