I find that the stress is getting to me.
I am losing weight, in part because of the stress. My Lupus is active, something I strive to put at rest so that I can live as full a life as possible. When my Lupus is active, I lose weight. The Lupus causes all manner of issues with my health.
I am not sleeping at night as well as I should be. The difficulty comes from not being able to turn off my brain. From constantly wondering “what happens next?”
I am not up for any parent of the year awards, but I know darn well that I am not the world’s worst parent either. I am struggling to understand why these things are happening to us.
I don’t know, but in the end, I believe that I can take solace in the fact that we are doing the best that we can with the situation involving our youngest son. Sure there are things that could have been done differently, but isn’t that always the case?
To say that I purposely pushed him to have the behaviors that he is having is just wrong. Are there parents who would do something like that? Yes, I think so. However, I am not one of those parents. I would much rather he be at home with his family than locked up in a facility.
I worry about the impact of all of this on my family. On my marriage.
