We admitted David today. No emotion from him. No sad tears, no “please don’t make me stay.”
He wanted two things, a bed, and food.
We had to sign a bunch of papers. I mean a bunch of papers. Went over all the rules, explained that even though he is a resident there, he is still a part of our family.
On the one hand, I am happy for the rest of the family to get some peace. On the other hand, I feel torn that we had to admit him there in the first place.
All in all, it looks to be a nice place, but face it, it is an institution.
We limited his contact to less than 20 people outside of the facility. Every last one of them is family.
He has less than 10 people he can call. The rest have to call him.
Please, say a prayer for David. That he may embrace the help these people offer and come back to us a happier person.
Please say a prayer for the other kids that they may use this opportunity to find peace, and heal from the anguish that is involved with living with a child that has Reactive Attachment Disorder.
Lastly, if you would be so kind, a prayer, that mom and dad can be at peace with the decision that necessitated this placement.
- We Brought David Home (whynotfathers.com)
8 thoughts on “I feel like I am missing a piece of myself”
How long do you think he will stay there? What sort of treatment does the res facility provide? *knows very little about RAD*
@MeaghanGood mostly it is about teaching him accountability without anger. Teaching him that when he gets caught stealing, that a simple admission of guilt is better than a 3 to 6 hour long tantrum.
@Carlyoung Ah, okay. It reminds me of how people with anti-social personality disorder will basically only change their behavior when convinced that it’s in their best interest to do so: that, in the long run, being nice to people and not going around breaking the law and stuff will get you further in life.
Awhile back I read a memoir by a deaf Finnish woman named Rajia who spent a few years in St. Lucia in the 1970s teaching at the island nation’s very first school for deaf children. Before then, St. Lucia had simply assumed deaf kids could not learn, so the children came to her without even knowing the rudiments of sign language. It was very difficult to teach them obviously. Anyway, she wound up basically adopting a deaf street child who, I think, probably had RAD. She named him Alfonso.
He had been passed around to various relatives for much of his life. No one wanted him, and by the time Raija met him he was homeless and supporting himself catch-as-catch-can by selling paper to wrap fish in, for example. He was about 12. He stayed with Raija’s family for seven months. Of course she wouldn’t have known but it sounds like Alfonso had reactive attachment disorder. She wrote that he never seemed to bond with anyone in the family or have affection for anyone, it was hard to disciple him and his behaviors made it hard for anyone to like him either. After seven months, he went stomping out of the house when she asked him to do some chores. She and others tried to get him to come back but he claimed he had been like a slave there. He resumed living on the streets and wouldn’t speak to Raija during the rare occasions he came to school. 15 years later she found out he was still homeless and had lost his sight in addition to his hearing.
@MeaghanGood He has a preliminary diagnosis of antisocial behavior disorder, but can’t be officially diagnosed with it until he is 18.
@MeaghanGood He could be there for as long as seven years.
My Heart is so heavy for you my dear friend, yet I GET it, I get it, what a situation, yet there is hope that as the healing starts you will feel lighter, you will know in your own Heart that this is the right thing, my daily prayers for you and your family start now.
@Momcat Thank you. As hard as the decision was, we know it was for the best. We aren’t giving up on him, we are just moving to the next level of care.
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