Special Needs Mom Confessions: Sometimes I’m so Tired

this is a reblogged post from http://www.katscafe.org

I’m Exhausted. Sometimes So Tired of this Thing Called being a Special Needs Mom

Over the last few weeks, we’ve had our ups and downs here in the Moody house. You might have noticed I haven’t been around as much here at the Cafe. You might even know enough of me and the gang to realize that usually means we have fun stuff happening in the real world.

And we need … Logan has had several days with breakthrough seizures. He’s dealing with regression from his last really bad round of seizures from almost two weeks ago, and yet he just came home from school on Thursday because he started the day off with several small seizures there.

The rest of our little world is pretty much status quo. There are no other emergencies.

No fires to put out and deal with.

There is just the day to day worry over seizures … epilepsy not quite out of control yet not controlled either. Autism and behavioral issues not quite overwhelming yet all-encompassing.

Life … it just keeps going even when you’d like to stop and take a break for a while.

So, right now I’m tired. In fact, the doctor says I’m exhausted – I’ve been pushing for too long and too hard and my body is sick of being tired. (this is me laughing a bit inside at that one … show me one special needs mom, heck, any special needs parent, or *any* parent who isn’t tired!).

No SuperMom Here, Just Another Mom, Another Parent …

Sometimes I receive a message, a comment, some statement through Twitter, or Facebook, face-to-face … about how well I do it all. And I have to tell you I feel like a fraud.

No I am not horribly depressed, but I do deal with depression. I’m not supermom, but I am a mother. I’m not perfect, but I try.

Sometimes, all I have is that I want to keep trying … keep pushing.

And life, it really makes it inevitable that you almost *have* to keep trying, keep pushing, doesn’t it? What’s the other choice? To give up? To lay down and let go of it all?

Not me.

But I am tired. And just for tonight, I think it’s okay to admit to you (because this is such a private confession, after all) that sometimes, I am beyond tired. Exhausted.

The Lesson in being Tired?

I think, when you have the extra stress of being a special needs parent, you tend to forget that you aren’t a robot. Sometimes sleeping isn’t enough to counter the exhaustion that comes with always fighting, always on duty. Sometimes you have to truly rest.

I’m pondering that tonight … what helps me feel the most rested.

Sometimes, it is writing a few words here and knowing that someone, somewhere understands what I am feeling.

Other times, it is sleeping and letting my body heal for as long as I can sleep without kid distractions (Jim and I tend to trade off when we are both this exhausted, though of all my symptoms with Fibromyalgia my fatigue is the one thing I haven’t been able to counter with diet and exercise alone).

But I’m wondering, tonight, how else can you rest, can you heal, from the day-to-day and ongoing, cumulative stress that comes with special needs parenting?

Sometimes, I find additional rest in reading, sometimes in washing dishes (don’t laugh!) and sometimes in just playing with my boys.

Where do you find your peace, your rest? Tell me about it in the comments below and I’ll feature a few of the best ideas for an upcoming post on finding rest as a special needs parent.