Who Else Wants Highly Disciplined Children Who Are Never Punished?

Are they trying to turn all our children into criminals and misfits?

Aren’t you just sick and tired of people telling you how to raise your children?  I mean, look around and you see all these unruly children with no home training whatsoever. Go tell them a thing or two.  The first thing out of their mouths is Social Services, then they walk all over their parents, who don’t seem to have the backbone to stand up to their own children.

Do people really care about your children?

Enough of all the disapproving stares from strangers, and condescending attitude of friends and relatives.  Don’t even mention all the nice talk on TV, from schools, and just about everywhere except the people in your neighborhood. They go on about hitting of children as child abuse. Well you’ve tried NOT hitting, and all that does is make the children start behaving like all those others… rude and disrespectful! Is THAT what they want you do do with your children?

Well you were raised better than that and you’re not having it… makes you sick to your stomach and MAD as hell.

Analyze this: 

 

What’s your take? If you agree with most of the people who commented, the only problem here is the “out of order” boy who needed a good hiding.

Do you really love your children?

That was a a rhetorical question.  Of course you do! All the frustration you feel is actually because you want the best for them.  But since we’re asking questions, here’s one more:

Can you honestly say that the methods you use have worked the way you want them to?  The common-sense thing to do when your method of solving a problem isn’t working, is to try something else.

For those of you who say that harsh punishment DOES work, I want you to re-visit the post about discipline goals. Then read on.  I’ll be taking this even further in the next post, just to make it very clear what proper solutions should look like. But I DO understand what parents go through, believe me.

My take on the video
Here are the kinds of observations a trained care-giver would give you:

• Gentry  has obviously had a long history of stepping out of line with strangers when he’s in public with his mother
• Mommy has obviously had a history of reacting to it in extreme ways that humiliated and belittled Gentry
• Mommy has an anger problem she’s trying to curb.  It is very likely that Gentry had learned extremely well from his mother how to behave when he gets angry
• As a result, Mommy has had some trouble with the authorities
• Mommy’s interaction with the authorities has actually complicated her relationship with Gentry. Social Services probably doesn’t have the resources to deal with such wide cultural gaps between Mommy’s home-culture and lack of understanding, and the child-protection laws of a more developed country.  She is scared to use her old methods, but hasn’t learned more sophisticated new ones, and probably never will, which is only partly her fault
• His mother’s trouble with the authorities has misguided Gentry into thinking that he has a right to misbehave in public without his mother’s intervention.  He has gotten worse over the years.  (I even suspect that Mommy used such harsh words to Gentry in an official’s presence, the official probably started to criticize Mommy in front of Gentry, who is now actually using the official’s words, “embarrassing and shameful,” that he picked up from there.
• Mommy is trying to apply some of what she has learned about “consequence” her child.  But something has gone wrong. Her skills are nowhere near good enough for her to be the wise leader in this situation (A common problem when half-committed officials try to squeeze 3 months worth of intensive parenting education of a less educated parent, using only an hour or two)
• This relationship is a complicated mess and needs professional salvaging. Despite trying very hard, Mommy cannot remain in control, and reverts to her old habit of violence and threats. So does Gentry.  As her son gets older, bigger and stronger, we can expect serious altercations, worsening relationship problems, and even serious bodily injury; maybe even loss of life

I have a lot more to say on this topic.  But why don’t you give it a try?  Did you feel that Mommy didn’t go far enough?  Did you go deeper?  Is your mind opened up just a little? What’s your take now?