The answer should be yes. Not "how can I get my loved one help?"

Tag Archives: prayer

caring for the caregiver

health quote - gandhiOne of the things that I struggle with, indeed I struggle daily, is keeping up with my own health while caring for my family.  Mostly caring for David, because much as it pains me, the other kids pretty much have things covered unless they need something. No longer am I the dad who gets things done.  Now, I am the dad that takes care of David.

There it is in its simplest form.

I am the Dad who takes care of David.

I am also the Dad who readily admits when he is struggling with a health issue.  See, I have Systemic Lupus among other things.  I have to watch out for my health, if I don’t I won’t be here to look out for and take care of David.  So then the question becomes, what happens after David leaves home?  Can I get my health back?

Some days, I don’t know if I am coming or going.  I don’t know how to handle what is happening with my health. So I muddle through.  Over the last 16 years, I have often felt like I lost something of my children’s lives.  In that, I never got to take them fishing, in fact, I am often wiped out by the smallest events of the day.  Heading to the city really saps my energy, and I feel like a shithead because I resent all of those meetings that I attend because of David.  I hate feeling like that, because for the most part, it isn’t his fault.

So I am trying to figure it out as I go along.  How do I juggle the two?  How do I juggle caring for David and caring for me?  And then I feel bad for even wondering these things, because ultimately, I know the answer.  He is my son, and his needs supersede mine.  As a dad, that is the way I am wired.  The needs of each of my children come before mine.

I get frustrated because we have to cover the same ground over and over again with him.  I think that is what is most draining.  To repeat the same things every day expecting a different result. Praying for a different result.  Because, I do indeed pray.

I pray that the turmoil David lives with mentally that affects his behavior, eases.  I pray that the brothers and sisters will see through the turmoil and understand that as difficult as his behaviors are for the family, he is still a part of our family.  I pray that each of the people I have met through this adventure of caring for David feel a small bit of relief in their day. Because truly, we all deserve just a brief respite from the turmoil that comes from caring for a mentally ill person, whether that person is 2 or 40.

For each of us that cares for a person with mental illness or chronic behavioral problems, I pray.  We all deserve it.  Hugs. Peace and well, you know.  You are important in the life of another and ultimately isn’t that its own reward?  And you know what?  If prayer isn’t for you, I sure do have some positive vibes I can send your way.  Nothing wrong with that.

I can’t speak to what other caregivers are going through, I can only speak to my experiences, however, I imagine that for them it is much the same.  Please take care of yourselves.

Honest emotion

survival business as a special needs parent is hard stuffI cried today.
I cried while mowing my lawn.  Mowing gives you time to think.  The drone of the mower is perfect for masking thoughts, for allowing them a fertile breeding ground.

I cried for David.  For the little boy who wants so desperately to be loved, yet pushes away and punishes those who love him most, his family.

I cried for the hope that is diminishing a little each day.  A hope that he will see that what he is doing is wrong, and the way he treats people is wrong.

I cried out in prayer.  Something that I do everyday.  Pray.  Does God hear my prayers?  I believe that he does.

I believe that David was brought into our lives for a reason.  Ours is not to question why.  Yet we struggle daily with his behaviors, his attitude, the words he says, the things he does.  We struggle.

Is this a test of our faith?

I cried today.  Sometimes, when you don’t know what else to do, there is nothing left after prayer except tears to help rehabilitate your spirit.

Cry.  It is an honest emotion, and there is nothing wrong with being human enough to shed tears.  This is survival.

The truth about David.

Roller-CoasterWe visited David tonight.  He wants to come home.  As much as we want him to come home, home isn’t the best place for him.

It isn’t just the Reactive Attachment Disorder.

It isn’t just the Autism.

It isn’t just the Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.

It isn’t just the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

It isn’t just the Oppositional Defiant Disorder, the Childhood Conduct Disorder, the bipolar disorder, or any of the other diagnoses that he has and has had.

It is the combination of all of these things that is what is working against him.

What does this mean for David?

Home isn’t the best place for him.  He never should have been discharged.  The psychiatrist indicated that she sees no change in him now from before he began his first placement.

So Monday.  We are going to start the paperwork.  The process.  The doctor is documenting their end of the record and will provide letters of support for placement.  Not sure when he is coming home from his current stay.  Will discuss that with the doctor on Monday.

As a result, we will be calling a team meeting of all of the people and organizations that are working with and for David’s treatment.

Please, a prayer for David, and our family as we seek whatever help we can get to ensure that David gets everything he needs to be the kind of person that we believe he can be.

The reality of our situation is that there are very few things that we haven’t tried to help him.  What I document here, most days hardly scratches the surface.  Is every day bad?  No.  Even the bad days have their good times.   It means that the roller coaster that is his life is throwing a new loop in his path.  Let’s help him stay on the appropriate path.