One of the things that I struggle with, indeed I struggle daily, is keeping up with my own health while caring for my family. Mostly caring for David, because much as it pains me, the other kids pretty much have things covered unless they need something. No longer am I the dad who gets things done. Now, I am the dad that takes care of David. There it is in its simplest form. I am the Dad who takes care of David. I am also the Dad who readily admits when he is struggling with a health issue. See, I have Systemic Lupus among other things. I have to watch out for my health, if I don’t I won’t be here to look out for and take care of David. So then the question becomes, what happens after David leaves home? Can I get my health back? Some days, I
I cried today. I cried while mowing my lawn. Mowing gives you time to think. The drone of the mower is perfect for masking thoughts, for allowing them a fertile breeding ground. I cried for David. For the little boy who wants so desperately to be loved, yet pushes away and punishes those who love him most, his family. I cried for the hope that is diminishing a little each day. A hope that he will see that what he is doing is wrong, and the way he treats people is wrong. I cried out in prayer. Something that I do everyday. Pray. Does God hear my prayers? I believe that he does. I believe that David was brought into our lives for a reason. Ours is not to question why. Yet we struggle daily with his behaviors, his attitude, the words he says, the things he does. We struggle.
We visited David tonight. He wants to come home. As much as we want him to come home, home isn’t the best place for him. It isn’t just the Reactive Attachment Disorder. It isn’t just the Autism. It isn’t just the Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. It isn’t just the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It isn’t just the Oppositional Defiant Disorder, the Childhood Conduct Disorder, the bipolar disorder, or any of the other diagnoses that he has and has had. It is the combination of all of these things that is what is working against him. What does this mean for David? Home isn’t the best place for him. He never should have been discharged. The psychiatrist indicated that she sees no change in him now from before he began his first placement. So Monday. We are going to start the paperwork. The process. The doctor is documenting their end of the