The answer should be yes. Not "how can I get my loved one help?"

Tag Archives: African American

Pending Change of Placement

Change of Placement.What happens if…

David has been in a facility placement since October of 2015.  Now he is nearing the end of his time at the current facility.  Plans are to transition to another facility when a bed is available.

We wanted him to finish out the current school year in his current placement.  So placement change will come in the next 6 weeks or so.

Interesting enough, his certificate of need (insurance authorization) expires at the same time.  So this post is a what happens if… or How can Change of Placement be successful if options aren’t available?

What happens if a bed is not available and the certificate of need is denied?

The next placement is a step down from his current facility in an effort to ultimately return David to our family home.  At present, while we have had successful day passes, no one in the family feels comfortable with the idea of bringing him home yet.  And in reality, the last time placement ended abruptly without transition, things went very badly. It took a lot of tears, anger and frustration to get him back into care.

He does well in care, actually thrives in care.  Even he is leery about leaving facility based care, which says something about how he is responding to his own situation.

So what happens if there is no where for him to go?  We do have an alternate funding source already lined up for the step down facility.  So that is not the issue, but if a bed is not available and the certificate of need is denied, we could be looking at another trip through 2015.

We, and I include David in this blanket statement, want the success that he is experiencing, real or imagined success, and we can’t do that without transition.

We are worried about what this means for Davids continued mental health.  We can see success and/or failure depending on what happens next.

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Traditional vs. Non-Traditional Families

Last week, someone asked me if I was David’s grandfather.  This in itself isn’t a bad thing.  DSCF2182_v1

In the past when people have questioned David’s parentage, I have simply said that he is adopted.  Which is true.

What is wrong with the idea that a white person would have an African-American son?

Or even the other way, what is wrong with the idea that an African-American would have a white son?

What business is it of theirs?

I could see being concerned if the child was in distress, showed signs or behaviors of abuse.  But you won’t see that with my son.

Recently, a friend was asked how much her son cost.

“How much did he cost?” 

I am perplexed.

I have no idea what the cost of birth is, but what business is it of another person?   I could see if the interest involved their wanting to adopt a child, but my impression is that wasn’t the case here.  Yes, the child is adopted.

Heck, I am adopted.  I can bet you dollars to dough-nuts that my parents were never asked how much I cost.

Why do you think that is?

Because I am the same race as my parents.

Just because a child is of another race.  Adopted, or both, why would you ask the parents how much the child cost?

When we look at our children, we don’t see their race.  We don’t see the color of their skin.  We see our child.  Our son or daughter. 

You know, even with the frustrations, fears and events we have experienced with David, he is very much our son.  Not every child that is adopted will bring the same background.

Generalizations, how they don’t help

We have this saying in the Autism community. 

“If you have seen a child with Autism, you have seen A child with Autism.”

You have seen one child.  Why one?

Because no two kids are exactly alike, including twins.

So why would it be any different for an adopted child?

David is adopted.  David has, among other things, Reactive Attachment Disorder.

I am adopted, I can see similarities in my behaviors as a child to David, just not as severe.

I know of a couple of other people, both children and adults, who are adopted.  You know what?  Unless you know that they are adopted, you can’t tell.

It isn’t like they have this tattoo on their arm, like a bar code or something that says “adopted”.

Why do I bring this up?

If you have seen one child that is adopted, one person that is adopted, you have see ONE.  You can apply a generalization to any given population and say that every one in that population has the same mental health issues as our son.  Mental illness, heck any illness, just doesn’t work that way.

That is like saying “your child is African-American, that makes him a thief.  and he should assume the position.”

Another fine example would be me saying that all school administrators are racist because they assume that any child of another race that is adopted automatically has mental health issues relating to said adoption.  If I was an administrator, I would be offended by that generalization.

So why would it not be acceptable for a parent to be offended when an administrator makes a comment “INSERT NAME here, is adopted, he needs to see a psychiatrist.” Like being adopted is some kind of stigmatizing flaw and needs to be corrected posthaste.  Being adopted is not a condition to be treated.  Hello!

So tell me, do school administrators everywhere make generalizations about a given population like this?  Or is it just certain ones?

Sadly, the child may need to see a psychiatrist.  But referring a child the way that this child was referred isn’t the way to do it.  Surely there is an appropriate way of saying “Your child spends an inordinate amount of time alone, playing, as a result, we think that your family doctor should be consulted, just to ensure that there are no concerns.”

I would think that there are certain periods in the life of a child where they just prefer their own company, versus spending time with others.  This is not a defect!  I don’t have a degree in education and I know that!

What parent is going to take a referral from a school administrator that appears to be either biased or racist?