Category Archives: visit

Ever Vigilant, Hyper-Vigilant

Vigilant. Hyper-Vigilant.

We had an overnight pass with David over the weekend.

While things went well, there were near constant redirects.  There wasn’t anything that can lay a finger on as saying this is a huge issue.  It was just little stuff.

Rather than bringing him home, with the risk that such a trip entails, at least for overnights, we had a hotel.

The idea of using a hotel was endorsed by the facility.  In fact, they paid for it.

Because we had all of the boys, our hotel room had two queen beds and a pull out.  David and I were on one bed, mom on another and the other two boys on the pullout.

Now, in the past when David has been home, I was the primary parent.  I was awake at night to keep him out of trouble.  And while I didn’t stay awake the whole night, I was always aware of what he was doing. I had to tell him six times to lay back down and go to sleep.  No idea what he was going to get into, and if he had asked to use the bathroom, I would have let him.  He never asked.

Sunday morning, we took him back to the facility.  Not one word was said inquiring how the pass went. No good byes from David.  Not.  A hotel isn’t home.

In the end, I guess the pass was a success.  I can’t live, no, let me correct that, we can’t live in a hyper-vigilant state all of the time.  Life doesn’t work that way.

Happy One Year Placement Anniversary David

honesty doesnt make us bad parentsIronically, the day after we receive notice of denial of coverage of services for our son, is the anniversary of his placement at the current facility.  It has been one year since we placed David in a facility 500 miles from home.

Today, I am struggling with the stress of not knowing where we are at with my youngest son’s mental health treatment.  The denial of continued care is weighing heavily on my mind, and it will be Tuesday before I can file any appeals.

He deserves better than this from the system that is responsible in part for his care.  When we adopted him, he was ordered by the court to have complete state sponsored medical coverage until he turns 18.  This is Medicaid.

It isn’t safe for anyone for him to come home.  Even the staff that works with him day to day has said that.  A month ago, he was self-harming.  Cutting, and after they took the sharps away from him, he inserted his fingers into the wound on his knee and started pulling on it to make the wound larger.  Initially, he wouldn’t have needed stitches. The manic behaviours that he displays, the ceaseless energy – coupled with what changing facilities would do to his treatment plan… now is not the time for change.

As a father, I want to fix it and make it better.  I can’t do that, and while it isn’t my fault that the system is broken, I feel like a failure for not providing direct care for him.

Yesterday marks one year since he began his placement in the current facility.  The next closest facility that could take him if necessary is 700 miles away from our home, in Denver.  Like I said in a previous post, how does moving him further from family help him?

I am not looking for a debate about the ACA. I know what it is and isn’t doing for the people I know. It works for some, and doesn’t work for others.

About a month ago, I wrote a post “It’s not our fault.”  I guess I should go and read that one again.

I have this book that I am working through.  “Getting Your Joy Back” – I am going to read through parts of it again.  Need to find my joy.  And know in my heart that we are doing everything that we can for him.

The first pass of this trip.

David has been on a plan.  This relates to behaviors they display in the residence hall.  As a result he was at risk of losing part of his pass / visit with me.

I am not complaining.  My reality is that if he is exhibiting behaviors, and I am in town, then he loses pass time.  My rules.  It is harsh.  But he is being held accountable for his behavior.

So when I found out he was on a plan, I was a bit leery of how any pass would go.

Imagine my surprise.  The pass was incredible.  No issues.  We ate supper in the dining hall, and it reminded me a lot of military mess halls. He ate 90% of his supper, which I gather is unusual.  His meds take away much of his appetite so he basically eats and gets rewarded for doing so.

When David was at home, he used to cause trouble when we were asleep.  So today, a couple of times, I pretended to fall asleep during the pass.  No troubles to report.

We watched the Gonzaga University – Eastern Washington University Women’s Basketball game on television.  Talked a lot about basketball.  (I hadn’t played since the 6th grade. And don’t really follow it, but it was incredible to spend this time with David having him explain and run commentary as the game progressed.  If nothing else, he could get work as a sports commentator.)  /approve

I had brought a copy of the newspaper from home, and he devoured it.  Read everything a couple of times, and then asked if he could take it with him to read again.

Very positive visit.  Another pass tomorrow, let’s hope it goes as well.

 

A shout out to LiftUpLogan.

Until tomorrow my friend.  Hug your loved ones.  You never know when a tragedy will hit.  As can be seen in Logan Fleeman’s Story.

Pop over to his site and read his story.  Somewhere there is a witness to his accident.  The person who ran him down needs to turn themselves in.  Their car is the one with all of the damage.