Category Archives: hospital stay

have i failed as a father?

I feel like a failure.

My youngest son has hacked into his brother’s facebook account and threatened to kill someone.

And then he lied about doing it, even when confronted by the evidence.

How do I learn about this? The victim’s parents called the Sherrif.

I don’t blame them. I blame myself. I blame my son.

So tonight I am admitting my son to the mental health unit at the hospital. I don’t know what else to do.

How do I protect him while protecting the rest of the family? Or protecting others in our community?

I posted a note to the account, letting people know that it had been hacked.

Mental illness is not an excuse for this kind of behavior.

Tonight I had the opportunity to participate in a committee for our school district’s anti-bullying policy. And we talked about cyberbullying.
I would be a hipocrite to not do something about my son’s behavior.

More later.

Toddlers, Tiaras and $exualization

So, in reality television there is a program called Toddlers and Tiaras.  I can’t say that I have ever seen it.  The premise is apparently mom’s who enter their daughters in beauty pageants.  The girls are painted up, dressed in what would be considered provocative clothing for an adult. Nw if that isn’t bad enough, one mom took it a step further and scheduled a time when reporters could see an exhibition put on by her daughter at a restaurant in New York City.  Now this mother is suing various media outlets for sexualizing her daughter.

What happened to personal accountability?  What is she doing to her daughter by entering her in these pageants?  Who is really to blame for the “sexualization” of her daughter? Or is it something like greed that is driving mom? It seems to me that being a kid is hard enough in this society with all of the “social pressures” that come from friends, commercials and other factors.

Here is the blurb about the lawsuit on cnn:
http://marquee.blogs.cnn.com/2012/01/27/toddlers-tiaras-mom-sues-media-outlets-for-sexualizing-her-daughter/?hpt=hp_bn4

The public needs to put a foot down and say “no more” to these “reality tv shows”.  In what world is this reality?  If we have shows like this one, and doesn’t that explain the need for a show like Teen Moms 2?  There was a time when 14 and 15 year olds had children regularly, but that was a long time ago, and times are very much different now.  This isn’t the old west.  If we start to glorify irresponsibility, the next generation will redefine the term.

What kind of stigma are these kids feeling if they are deemed as “losers” in the very formative early years of their lives?  Can that damage be undone?  If they are taught that they have to be beauty queens long before they hit puberty, what happens when reality hits at puberty and they start to think that they aren’t so beautiful?  What teen doesn’t have feelings of inadequacy regarding their appearance?

I guess I don’t have answers, just more questions.  The only way that these shows are going to end is if people either stop participating or no longer watch them on television.  I find it sad that for some kids, this is their reality.

>it’s been a while…

>It has been over a month since I posted an update.  So much has happened.

David continues to do well in his placement.  There have been a few incidents of violence, but nothing so major that law enforcement had to get involved.  Started with family therapy sessions as well. 

The big thing that happened is that I spent 6 days in the hospital. I had been sick off and on since Christmas 2010. First I had the heart event, then I had the TIA’s.  well after the Fourth of July, I was feeling really run down.  My wife took me to the hospital for a check up.  During the drive down, my chest lit up with a pain I can’t describe.  It went down my left arm and ended in my fingers.  I never again want to feel that kind of pain.  What was it?  No idea.  Seriously.  According to all of the tests, I did not have a heart attack. 

Yet something was wrong.  While I was in the hospital they would frequently wake me up and give me nitro-glycerin and morphene.  I couldn’t walk without assistance.  I was shaky, alternating between very hot and cold.  I was miserable.

They performed a number of tests, as they thought that maybe I had experienced another stroke.  No, the MRI showed normal.  They did a CAT scan of my chest.  Output is 30% of normal through the left ventricle.  More tests.  They did a stress test, during which my blood pressure dropped to 80/62.  They did an ultrasound of the heart, and determined that my left ventricle is enlarged. 

During the six days, I had three different doctors, and two nurse practitioners.  Most were honest enough to say “we have no idea what is wrong with you.” 

One doctor, who my wife affectionately nicknamed Dr Moron went so far as to order a psychiatrict consult because it was “all in my head.”   At one point, he was ready to discharge me.  The nurse practitioner, my wife and the nurse on the floor all disagreed with that.  Then he said that “it must be a problem with your colon.”

In the end, my wife flat out refused to take me home until we were allowed to see my reumotologist, who treats my Lupus.  Bright and early the next day, when she doesn’t normally see patients I was wheeled into her office.  We tested to see if it was the Lupus.  No, the Lupus isn’t active.  She reviewed the chart, asked me a lot of questions and then diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia.  Plus I have an enlarged left ventricle in my heart, and weak adrenal glands due to long term prednisone use.

In the end, I am something of an anomaly in that most of the people who get Lupus and Fibromyalgia are women between the ages of 30 and 50.  It is unusual to have either one of these two illnesses, let alone both of them. 

So now, I am trying to get better.  I am learning what my new limits are, and working on a disability application.  I am seriously sensitive to light, and feel like a lazy man because all I do is sit in a dark room and rest 90% of the time. 

David is due to come home around Christmas, and I find myself fearing how my body will react to the stress of his being back home.