The answer should be yes. Not "how can I get my loved one help?"

Category Archives: Reactive Attachment Disorder

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a bad parody of a Whitesnake song – Here We Go Again.

I feel like I am in a bad parody of a Whitesnake song called Here We Go Again.

Same song different verse.  David has stolen an iPod again. Plus a set of keys to everything that we own.

When he got caught stealing the iPod, he became verbally abusive to us.  Talking about how he hates us, and doesn’t want to be here.

So I am waiting on a call back to see if we can get him into a safe bed.

My other kids are begging me to remove him from the house.

He still has a set of keys.  Plus who knows what else that he isn’t supposed to have.

We here the same song everyday. I didn’t take it.  I don’t have it. Are you sure it isn’t in your pocket?

And then low and behold, there it is… in his pocket.  Or in his bad.  Or behind his bed.

 

Struggling as a father of children with special needs

Struggling as a father of children with special needs

David,

I am struggling today.  Well actually, I have been struggling for a while, I am just now manning up and admitting it to myself.

David, you require a lot of attention.  At some times the attention involves raised voices.  We do everything we can to not let the other kids yell at you, but when it is their things that you are stealing, they need to be able to vent for a couple of minutes.

PALO ALTO, CA - OCTOBER 06: Apples and an iPo...

No matter how many times we discipline you for stealing electronic gadgets from other family members, you still do it.  Last week it was in iPad.  In the past, it has been an Android tablet, a Kindle Fire, multiple iPods, mp3 players and cell phones.  As I write this it is Sunday, and you have stolen one iPod three times, and another once.

Locked doors are not a barrier for you.

So I struggle.  I have four kids at home.  Three that hide in their bedrooms because you are not good for their mental health.  One that is off in college and doesn’t want to come home very often in part because she doesn’t like your behaviors.

This summer we applied to a residential facility for a bed for you, long term.  Last week they told us that it would be two weeks.  Two weeks will be up this coming Friday.  As I try to determine when you are moving there, I am torn between needing you to go, and needing to keep you at home so that we can keep trying.

But trying at what expense?  The mental and emotional health of all of my kids is very important to me.  Do I put your needs above theirs?  So we move forward.

You were diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder in the past.  Will moving out of the family home have an affect on that?

I don’t know.

You have been diagnosed with a lot of things in the 9 years since you came to live in our hearts.

There are no easy solutions to the difficulties we face raising you.  We take steps everyday to ensure that you hear us tell him how important you are to our family.  And that no matter where you live, you will always be a part of this family.

I guess I need to take my own advice to heart.  I tell other people who are dealing with similar blessings in their lives that they aren’t giving up on their child, they are just moving to the next level of care.

David, we aren’t giving up on you.  You will always have a place in our hearts.  We will always love you.  Just because you are moving to a residential placement doesn’t take you out of our family.

Love,
Dad.

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what is he plotting now? Updated

Never look at a good day and think there is nothing wrong.

David was having an incredible good period this evening after school.

Then his sister came home from volleyball.

His sister went for a shower, David saw opportunity and took it.  Now we have a missing iPod.

It isn’t so much the missing device as it is David’s response to being caught stealing.  Plus we still don’t have the device back.

plus, I fell down.  Not good when you have vertigo issues.  So we are searching for the iPod.

Why do we blame David?  Because that is what he does.  Plus the boys each have their own mp3 players.  Plus, this morning he had my Kindle, last week it was mom’s iPad.  Before that it was cell phones.  Mine, both brothers, sister.

Not to mention all of the house phones.  He has had them cached in his room.  batteries missing from most.  the ones that aren’t missing have had their names changed from Living room to iPhone4 or something like that.

so I ask you “What is he plotting now?”

We finally stopped asking him where it was because he was carrying on so badly we were afraid that the sheriff was going to come.

For those who think a good spanking is the cure… live a week in our lives.  Spanking does nothing.  It is not the answer.

For those who are thinking we should lock the doors… we do have the door to the kids upstairs bedrooms locked at all times.  He knows how to steal the keys to unlock the door.

Two designs of iPod earphones. The current ver...

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UPDATE – September 8, 2012
David in all his histrionics about how he was innocent and had no idea where the iPod was bore out to be lies.  But we already knew that.  Shortly after he went to bed, I was laying in my bed and observed him playing with something under the covers.  A little while later when he fell asleep, I uncovered him, rolled him to one side and found the iPod.

It has been reset so she will have to reinstall any apps, music and videos, but at least she has it back.