The answer should be yes. Not "how can I get my loved one help?"

Category Archives: Mental Health – Child

Mental health articles relating to a condition your child might have can be found here.

a very real fear this Christmas

Just received the weekly report that encompasses all of the week not just the immediate emergence of chronic cases.

Today was another “off” day.

David destroyed a bunch of recently created Christmas decorations that his peers had made.  Evidently he was upset.

He did a number of other things, including trying to run away.  He destroyed some carpet in the lower level of the lodge, he unplugged a bunch of computers in his classroom.  He has been generally combative.  He broke into the refrigerator and stole a bunch of Pediasure.  Drank all of them.  He has threatened to kill staff.  There is so much more, that  I feel overwhelmed by the details of it all.

To be fair to David, it seems that all of the peers in his unit or lodge are struggling right now.  Since all of the kids with him have an Autism diagnosis of some type, I imagine in can be pretty rough.

I made the comment that regardless of the Autism, we still need to hold him accountable for his actions.  Staff agreed.  They indicated that he knows right from wrong.  He knows that what he is doing will get him into trouble.  He believes that one of two things will happen.  He will get discharged, and move either home or closer to it, or he will get moved to a different lodge.

He isn’t right for a different lodge.  He is smaller than all of the other residents in that lodge, he is younger, he is unstable.

He won’t be coming home.  At least not soon.  As much as I would love for him to be home, it isn’t safe for anyone to let that happen.  And I include David in that measure of safety.   If he is pushing limits of the professionals who care for him in the facility, where they have enough staff to provide one to one care for David at all times if necessary, what would happen if we brought him home where we can’t do that level of care?

I thanked the staff for the update, thanked them for sticking with him. And then I asked one very important question.

“How long, before your facility decides that they can’t help him any longer?”  I know that as his primary, this isn’t a question that she could answer.  It isn’t her place to say.  She said that she thinks that is a valid concern for me to have.

my fear is that he will move further away from the family.  How will this help his Autism? His Reactive Attachment Disorder?

I can’t “just let go” of my son.  He is my son.  Doesn’t matter that he is adopted.  He has been in our lives for almost all of his.

I remember when I was a teen, the Band Aide Song.  Do They Know It’s Christmas?  Remember it?

All I want for Christmas?  Safety and well-being for David, all kids with mental health issues, and my family.

Oh and here is the video for “Do They Know It’s Christmas?”

thoughts for today, tomorrow, the future

keep-talking-about-mental-healthI spent the day on the road fetching our daughter from college.  So a large portion of the day was spent alone with my thoughts.

Sometimes, we can’t see the purpose behind the things that happen in our lives.  I understand that David was dealt a crappy hand from birth.  Through our adoption of David, I have learned so much.  About human nature. About myself.

I don’t think that we set forth a life event with the hopes that it will teach us some hard and fast lessons. We sure didn’t adopt David to learn things.

It comes to mind that the little challenges is what gives life flavor.  You know what I mean?

We knew David was special needs when we adopted him.  At the time, it was simply because he was part of African-American. We didn’t see color, we saw a little boy that we had grown to love and that we wanted to give a forever home to.  Not out of some idealistic vision that we were doing this great and noble thing.  Sure, his birth history was discussed.  We knew about him being born addicted to more drugs than a pharmaceutical company has stock.  At the time, no one could quantify the damage that had been done.

As David grew, things began to happen.  At first it was ADHD.  Then it was hoarding.  Then stealing.  Constant lies.  Violent behaviors.  So many little things.  Through it all one thing remained.  Our love for this little boy.  Never.  and I mean never have we considered the option of terminating the adoption.  I don’t find fault in those that have made the decision to do so.  A family has to make that decision on its own without outside influence.

To the parents considering reversing an adoption I say this.  “Go with your heart.  No one knows what you are going through better than you do, not even me, and I have seen some pretty incredible things in the last 10 years.”

To those who choose to judge parents who reverse an adoption, “don’t judge that which you don’t fully comprehend.”

It is a sad reality that some adoptions are reversed.  These are not bad people for deciding that they need to do a reversal.

In the last 24 hours, I have received thousands of messages of support through the various facebook communities that I am a part of.  You have no idea what it means to me as a human being to see this level of support.

This past year has been full of challenges for David.  I don’t know what 2015 will bring, but I hope that he finds peace, even for a little while.

As I close this series of thoughts, I have decided that things need to change for people with mental illness.  Especially the children.  Every child should have the opportunity to get the care that they need in their home state.  We shouldn’t have to “ship our kids across state lines” like so much extra baggage to get them the help they need.  In North Dakota, where we live, I hope to address this topic next legislative session.  Which starts in two weeks.

My goal is to raise awareness.  Please, if you read my blog, share it with others.  Our beautiful son is not the only child who is struggling with mental illness.  There are others out there.  So please, share my blog with others that we might work together to raise awareness.  Awareness begins with one voice and builds steam from there.  I know quite a few parents who have been fighting for their children for a long time, far longer than we have been fighting for David.  Voice’s get tired.  People get tired.  So let’s rally the troops.

Mental illness encompasses a broad range of things. Each mental illness is important.

Thank you again for your support.  It means the world to my family.  To me.

At a loss, with tears rolling.

God-Grant-Me-the-Serenity-Black-Vinyl-Wall-Art-Quote-L12708112David is in crisis again.

While I know mentally that there is not a damn thing I can do about it, my heart is breaking because I can’t help him.

Tonight during staff transition, (between shifts), David started a rebellion.  Yes.  You read that correctly.

He got together with a couple peers and started a rebellion.

Eventually, over the course of the evening, David became violent.  So they put him in time out.

Then they had to restrain him to put him back on time out.

He was fighting that, and knocked a plate off a counter, which ended up in the time out room with him.  The plate was plastic.

He used the plate as a weapon and tried to attack staff.  He then started pounding on the window, which they said was some kind of plexi-glass.

So he broke the window.

Somehow he was cut.  Required 4 stitches in one knee and has numerous other cuts.   When you have zero body fat, even four stitches is significant.  He did work at making the wounds  he sustained or gave himself bigger.

And so the tears roll.  As much as I love the little guy, there is nothing I can do for him that they are not already doing.

My fear is that if he keeps doing the things that he is doing, he will end up moving some place further away.  Denver, Red Rock, Duluth, Iowa, Missouri, there are places, but they are much, much further away.

So tonight, because he self-harmed and was physically aggressive, he is on close watch.  He has had all personal items removed from his room.  He has to see staff to sign out clothing and what not.  He has to have someone watching him at all times, including while he is sleeping.

Tonight, they had the program director, the spiritual director, a couple of nurses, his primary, the lodge leader, and a couple of other people all trying to help our son through this crisis.

I am thankful for the staff that is with him.  I am thankful that he is as safe as we can make him without putting him in a straight-jacket.

My heart is breaking because I can’t help.  I can’t make things better.

I don’t know what to do.  Dad’s are supposed to be able to fix things.  I can’t fix this.  I can’t undo the damage caused by a selfish woman who did not think of her unborn child when she proceeded to get herself loaded up on drugs.

We are.

His.

Forever, Family.  Always.

David, you won’t read this.  But I hope that you know how much we love you and miss you.  You are never far from my thoughts and prayers.

I love you, son.
Dad.