Category Archives: family choices

the value in flaws of the mind

I talk regularly about David’s mental health.  Flaws isn’t a good word for the way he is, or why he is the way he is. Even though most days I am flummoxed by what to do with his behaviors, his mind has value. Every mind has value.  Why? With David, it is the simple things.  When he wants to be helpful, regardless of the reason, you can’t find a better helper.  If one of the pets is upset, he calms them down.  He can calm pets for other people, especially cats, including one that is especially standoffish to anyone except her owner.  He has a wicked sense of humor.  He can hear conversations from 30 feet away, even if they don’t concern him. He is a voracious reader.  A technology wizard. Every mind has value, there is a purpose for everything that is in the world.  Sometimes we wonder at

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nights like this

I have to wonder… “Is this behavior that of a 13 year old boy, or his mental health?” See our other two boys didn’t give us all the sass, back talk, attitude and behaviors.  Or maybe I just don’t remember the behaviors because we were so busy dealing with David’s issues. Not sure if that is a blessing or not. How can we turn bedtime into a struggle for right and wrong? He claims to be funny, I think that he needs a visit with a bar of soap. Alas, I bite my tongue. If I raise my voice at all from a normal conversational tone, then he calls me out for yelling at him.  So I raise my voice a little louder in self-defense. If I call him on his behaviors, he asks if he can pack a bag to save time tomorrow when I take him back to

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It’s not our fault.

Most of my readers know me from facebook.  I am in a number of groups there, and while I would love to list them all here, it would break some aspects of confidentiality for me to do so. What I see most often in the groups that I am a part of is:  “part of this is my fault.  If I had done this, or that, he/she wouldn’t have had the meltdown.”  When you are dealing with a child that has a mental illness, things happen that are beyond our control.  Even if said child is biological rather than adopted. I tell my readers here the same thing as what I tell those in my various groups. “It is not our fault.” Simply words really.  Unless you directly caused the trauma that made your child the way he or she is, it really is not your fault.  As a parent,

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