Category Archives: bi-polar

Life, Liberty and the use of a computer

It’s in the past.

That is how David responds when we try to talk to him about the threats that he made toward that individual on facebook.

“I don’t want to talk about it, because it’s in the past.”

It was last Wednesday February 29.  Just because it is in the past doesn’t mean we shouldn’t talk about it.  He is not allowed to use computers.  So he argued with his mom about using the iPad.  So now he isn’t allowed to be in his room alone. Why? he steals and it is easier to keep an eye on him in the common areas rather than in his room.  Why?  He shares a room with his older brother and his older brother has a computer.

So very frustrated.  David managed to convince the hospital staff that he was an angel and didn’t get his medicine because mom and dad didn’t give it to him.

yeah, ok, obviously they don’t know my son.  I for one was not ready for him to come home. I don’t think that he was ready to come home.  The people in the psych ward never asked us our opinion.

So now what do we do?

Respite starts this weekend.  I am obligated to tell them what happened.  If he behaves like this, how long will they be his respite providers?  How long before he convinces them that we are the abusive parents that deprive him of life, liberty and the use of a computer…?

say it again, with feeling

I find myself repeating everything I say to David.  Don’t, Don’t, Don’t do that. Don’t do this…

Don’t touch the computer without permission, don’t touch the tv without permission.  Don’t touch the Wii without permission. You are not allowed on facebook.  Over and Over and Over again.  Yet, each morning I get up and when I check my email I find that he has attempted to access facebook, or he has attempted to access yahoo, or…

He was born with a traumatic brain injury.  I understand that.  He has obsessive compulsive disorder, he is oppositional defiant, he has ADHD, he has facets of Autism, he has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, he has Reactive Attachment Disorder.  And apparently, he has no memory.

I don’t know.  I am just so frustrated.  I wish that I had a magic wand that I could wave which would allow me to remedy all of the issues that he was born with.

This morning, he had a meltdown as the rest of the kids were leaving for school.  Absolutely refused to listen to reason, and went off the scale because he couldn’t have things his way.

Now we are off to meet with the respite care provider.  Hopefully this meeting goes well.

Any ideas on how I can help him remember what he can and can’t do?

how do you do it each day?

Each day moves forward without prompting.

We start when the rest of the kids leave the house.

  1.  8am – four kids off to school.
  2. 8:30 breakfast and clean up
  3. 9:00 play time
  4. 9:30 exercise period
  5. 10:00 study math
  6. 10:30 break
  7. 11:00 spelling lessons
  8. 11:30 – 1 lunch
  9. 1pm grammar and reading.
  10. 1:30pm. done for the day

For exercise we use games on the Wii. When it gets warmer, we will go outside. We also have an exercise bike.
Three times a week, we try to have an outing of some kind.  Go to the store, a cafe, bank or whatever.

Our day varies depending on his temperament and how he is responding.  Because of the severity of the ADHD, the above schedule is very flexible.  Some days we might not get started until 11am and might get done at 1.  We work when he is able to focus and function.

I try to combine some history stuff in the reading when it is available, or turn on the History Channel during his free time.  Last week we watched a show about the bottom of the ocean and how things survive.  So far this is working for him.  It is still our hope that he gets to go to public school.  We would modify his day to a level that is appropriate.  There are just some things, like social skills, that can’t be learned one on one.  A lot of the learning takes place via the computer and a number of educational websites.  This is especially true for multiplication tables and spelling lessons.

But how do you get through the day?  Will.  Each day is unique, celebrate the successes leave the failures for another time.  Even in the failures, one can find success.  We document as much as we can both positive and negative.   This is then shared with the medical and psych team.  Above all, we remember that he isn’t this way because he necessarily wants to be this way.  He is this way because of what his birth mother did.

Last week, David, in a moment of apparent clarity asked me why we kept him, and adopted him into our family.

My answer was, “you complete our family, and we loved you.  we still love you, we may not always like what you do, but we still love you.”