Dad, It’s okay to be angry. Just wanted to take a few minutes and tell you something. You are in a place that is not what you are used to. It isn’t your home. It isn’t the life that you remember. The sad thing Dad? Most days, nothing about that day is the life that you remember. Your mind is playing tricks on you. It lets you see what it wants you to see. Your mind lets you forget things that are important to you. Conversations to remember. What I like is the conversations that we share. I’d like to hear about that John Deere Propane, you remember? the one that you put standard tractor tires on… Or Lance. Your favorite horse. About the flooding of the creek near the home place. The one you drove thru where the water was deep enough that you could reach out the window
Some thoughts on becoming Dad to my Dad. On him beginning to cede control of his life to me. Of having to “take” over when he is desperately trying to hold on. Mostly, just some thoughts about our time together as he gets closer to the end of his life.
One of the difficult things about raising a child like our son, David, is that the love that we feel for our son will likely never be reciprocated. It isn’t that he doesn’t bond with people, he just doesn’t bond with family. It is a facet of the attachment disorder. He is more likely to bond with a complete stranger, at least briefly, than he is to develop a bond with us. This is our reality. Just as we can’t force him to modify his behavior, we can’t force him to feel any kind of love or feeling toward the family. As a piece of that, he understands that telling someone, “I will take a knife and stab you” is not appropriate. He shows no remorse for saying it. To him it is no different than saying “the sun is shining”. It’s tragic really. The only thing that he regrets